Questions to reflect on
- Are parents the only ones who raise a child in the faith?
- What role do elders, talks, publications, and other congregation members play?
- What does the Bible’s command to ‘impress’ God’s words on children mean?
- How does a child learn which behavior belongs to ‘the truth’?
- What happens when different adults reinforce the same standards?
- Can an elder speak directly to a child about what they watch or do?
- Is that faith-based upbringing, involvement, or social influence?
- When can faith-based upbringing become burdensome?
- How much room does a child feel they have to decide later for themselves what they believe?
Faith-based upbringing starts with the parents
Within Jehovah’s Witnesses, the primary responsibility for a child’s spiritual upbringing lies with the parents. An important Bible text in this regard is Deuteronomy 6:6, 7. There parents are instructed to ‘impress’ God’s words on their children and to talk about them at home, on the road, when lying down, and when getting up.
From the Jehovah’s Witness perspective, that is something positive. When parents are convinced that they have found the truth about Jehovah, they naturally want to pass it on to their children. Faith-based upbringing can therefore become part of daily family life from a very young age.
What does ‘impress’ mean?
The idea behind Deuteronomy is that God’s words are taught to children repeatedly and carefully and become part of ordinary life.
Within a JW family, this can happen during family worship, Bible reading, prayer, preparation for meetings, field service, and conversations about school, friends, clothing, entertainment, and behavior.
A child thereby learns not only what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe, but also how those beliefs are applied in everyday situations.
But parents do not form faith alone
A child growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness usually does not receive religious messages only from father and mother. They encounter the same faith world through elders, other congregation members, meetings, talks, publications, videos, conventions, field service, and other children in the congregation.
How strong that influence is varies from family to family and congregation to congregation. Elders also differ. One elder has a lot of personal contact with children and young people, while another barely has anything to do with them.
A child therefore grows up not only within a religious family, but also within a broader religious community.
Children are addressed directly during meetings
A talk in the Kingdom Hall is not only for adults. Speakers may address children and young people directly about things like respect for parents, honesty, obedience, friends, school, entertainment, dating, meetings, and preaching.
From a faith perspective, that is Bible instruction. Parents may appreciate that values they try to instill at home are also reinforced in the congregation.
Psychologically, something else happens at the same time: the same standard comes not only from father or mother, but also from other adults who have spiritual authority or standing within the community.
Elders can speak to a child personally
That influence does not have to be limited to a talk. An elder may personally compliment a child, ask questions, or offer advice about something.
One sister, for example, described that an elder was at her home while a cartoon with dragons was playing on TV. He asked her child something like:
‘What do you think of this cartoon?’
and then:
‘And what do you think Jehovah thinks about you watching this?’
There was no formal shepherding visit and no punishment was imposed. It was just a few questions during an ordinary moment.
But for the mother, it immediately felt different.
‘I could have died of embarrassment’
She later described her reaction roughly like this:
‘I could have died of embarrassment. My first thought was: I’m clearly not raising my child properly.’
The elder did not have to say literally:
‘You are a bad mother.’
The question to the child was enough to trigger a conclusion in her own mind about her parenting.
This shows how religious standards can also work through responsibility, guilt, and one’s own conscience.
The elder may have meant it entirely as loving spiritual guidance. At the same time, the mother could experience it as a judgment on her parenting.
Both perspectives can exist side by side.
Why ‘What does Jehovah think?’ can carry so much weight
There is a difference between:
‘Do you think this cartoon is appropriate?’
and:
‘What does Jehovah think about you watching this?’
With the first question, a child can think about their own opinion. With the second, the behavior is linked to what God would think about it.
For a child who genuinely believes that Jehovah sees what they do and that having a good relationship with him is important, such a question can carry a lot of weight.
That does not automatically mean the question is harmful. Religious parents ask similar moral questions based on their conviction.
But psychologically, the source of the standard shifts. It is no longer just:
‘An elder doesn’t think this cartoon is wise.’
The child may experience it as:
‘Jehovah doesn’t want me to watch this.’
Who decides what Jehovah thinks about it?
Sometimes it concerns behavior for which Jehovah’s Witnesses have a clear religious rule. In other situations, a Bible principle is applied to something for which no specific Bible text says:
‘This movie is allowed and this movie is not allowed.’
When it comes to entertainment, themes such as violence, the occult, magic, or sexuality may be taken into account.
Then it is useful to distinguish between what is literally in the Bible, how the organization explains a Bible principle, and how an individual parent or elder applies that principle to a specific situation.
For a child, those three can easily merge into:
‘Jehovah doesn’t want this.’
Other congregation members also have influence
Not only elders can reinforce or correct behavior. A brother or sister can also call a parent or child out on something. That can happen seriously, but also in a friendly, joking, or offhand way.
One example is a family whose children were not allowed to set off fireworks on New Year’s Eve. The next day they were outside looking for fireworks that had not gone off and trying to light them anyway.
A neighbor who was also one of Jehovah’s Witnesses walked by and said:
‘Having fun, brothers?’
No punishment was announced and she did not even directly tell the children to stop.
But the word ‘brothers’ can carry an extra message in that context:
you are young Jehovah’s Witnesses — does what you are doing now fit that?
How group norms are learned
Psychological influence does not have to consist of long conversations or explicit rules. Children also learn through the reactions of important people around them.
A compliment, a look, a joke, or a brief remark can convey information:
‘This behavior fits with us.’
or:
‘We actually don’t expect this from someone like you.’
That is not automatically manipulation. It is a normal process of socialization and social influence and happens at home, at school, and in sports clubs too.
When a child learns a certain standard at home, hears the same thing during a talk, an elder refers to it, and friends in the congregation live according to the same standard, those messages can reinforce one another.
The child then learns:
‘This is not just what my parents think. This is how we live as Jehovah’s Witnesses.’
Positive attention also shapes people
Faith-based upbringing certainly does not happen only through correction. A child who makes a good contribution may receive compliments. A young person who joins in the preaching work may be encouraged. When a child becomes an unbaptized publisher, congregation members may respond enthusiastically.
A respected elder may send a card or say how happy he is that a young person is making spiritual progress.
That can be completely sincere and loving.
Psychologically, the child also learns at the same time:
‘When I choose this direction, I get approval from people who are important to me.’
Correction and appreciation both help shape which standards feel self-evident.
That can provide safety and clarity
There is also a positive side to that. A consistent environment can make things feel clear and manageable for a child. At home, in the Kingdom Hall, and with friends, the same values largely apply.
The child knows what is expected of them.
A religious community can also place several adults around a child who show interest, help, give compliments, and make them feel:
‘You belong with us.’
For some children, that can provide a great deal of connection, reassurance, and safety.
When does influence become social pressure?
Every upbringing influences children. That is unavoidable. Parents pass on language, manners, norms, and beliefs about right and wrong.
So it would be inaccurate to immediately call every religious influence indoctrination or harmful social control.
It becomes more psychologically relevant when a child experiences that asking questions, deviating, or later choosing differently can affect approval, belonging, identity, or important relationships.
Then a norm can become much stronger than when a parent simply says:
‘I hope you’ll believe the same thing I do when you’re older.’
“The truth” reinforces the meaning
Within Jehovah’s Witnesses, there is also distinctive language. A child hears not only:
‘We are Jehovah’s Witnesses.’
but also:
‘We have the truth.’ ‘You’re being raised in the truth.’ ‘Stay close to Jehovah.’ ‘Make spiritual progress.’
As a result, the religious frame of reference for a child can become more than one possible worldview. It can simply feel like:
‘That’s how reality works.’
When a child later has doubts, the thought may therefore not only be:
‘Maybe I believe something different from my parents.’
but:
‘What if I’m leaving the truth?’
What happens to the conscience?
When norms are repeated and reinforced often enough, eventually no one else is always needed to enforce them.
A child can begin to correct themselves.
The question:
‘What would Jehovah think of this?’
can later become an inner question a person asks themselves, even when no parent, elder, or congregation member is present.
Psychologically, the process by which external norms become part of someone’s own beliefs and self-regulation is called internalization.
That is not necessarily negative. Developing a conscience and personal values is a normal part of growing up.
The important question is whether a person later also feels room to re-examine those internalized norms.
The influence can continue into adulthood
That may explain why someone years later still has a strong emotional reaction to something they now rationally think differently about.
An adult may think:
‘I personally don’t see anything wrong with this.’
and yet immediately feel guilt or tension.
That feeling can arise from norms that in childhood became strongly linked to approval, Jehovah, identity, and one’s own conscience.
Such a reaction does not prove that the old norm was correct. But neither does it prove that the norm was wrong.
The feeling is real; its meaning is something you may need to examine again.
When can religious upbringing become burdensome?
Religious upbringing in itself is not automatically harmful. Religion can give children meaning, hope, community, structure, moral direction, and social support.
Possible psychological burden depends much more on the way a child experiences the upbringing.
Can they ask questions safely? Are they allowed to think differently? Are mistakes tied to excessive fear or shame? Does love remain available when the child makes different choices? Can a young person eventually decide not to continue in the faith without feeling they are losing important relationships?
Children from the same family can experience exactly the same religious environment very differently.
The difference between guilt and responsibility
The example of the mother with the cartoon shows something else too.
Her immediate thought was:
‘I’m not raising my child properly.’
But that is not the same as:
‘I have actually caused harm to my child.’
A religious environment can encourage a strong sense of responsibility in parents. That can motivate them to raise their children attentively and with involvement.
But responsibility can turn into guilt when a parent constantly feels that their child’s spiritual choices say something about their own quality as a father or mother.
A useful question may therefore be:
‘Did I really do something wrong, or do I feel guilty because someone judges my choice differently?’
A child does not choose from a blank slate
A child who from an early age learns the same religious reality at home, at meetings, in publications, in field service, and through important adults does not later start from a neutral position.
But no one starts out completely neutral.
Every child is shaped by family, culture, and environment.
That does not automatically invalidate a later choice for Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Rather, it makes it valuable when a young person can eventually say:
‘I got this from my parents and congregation. Now I want to investigate for myself why I believe it.’
Choosing voluntarily also means that another answer has to feel possible
When we talk about freedom of religious choice, we can therefore ask two questions.
Not only:
‘May my child choose to become one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?’
but also:
‘What happens if my child eventually decides not to?’
May they doubt, ask difficult questions, examine information, and say they do not believe something? Do they remain the same beloved son or daughter?
A choice becomes psychologically more meaningful when more than one answer genuinely feels possible.
Questions to reflect on
- Who taught me as a child what Jehovah expected of me?
- Did those messages come only from my parents, or also from elders and congregation members?
- Which choices brought me praise and appreciation?
- Which behaviors were corrected?
- Was I asked what I thought about something, or mainly what Jehovah would think?
- How was it determined what Jehovah thought about a particular movie, hobby, or choice?
- Could I distinguish between a Bible principle and the application of an elder or congregation member?
- How did it feel when someone outside my family confronted me about my behavior?
- Was that concern, protection, social influence, or something in between for me?
- Did I feel responsible for the spiritual reputation of my family?
- As a parent, can I hope my child will adopt my faith and at the same time leave room for a different conclusion?
- If my child is certain that our relationship will remain safe when they choose differently, would they make the same faith choice?
Summary
Religious upbringing among Jehovah’s Witnesses does not take place exclusively between parents and children. According to the belief system, parents have the primary responsibility, but around the child there is a broader religious community.
Elders may speak to children, speakers address young people during meetings, publications and videos convey standards, and congregation members may reinforce or correct behavior.
That can provide a great deal of connection, clarity, attention, and safety. At the same time, standards can be reinforced from multiple directions and become deeply part of identity and conscience.
A question such as ‘What would Jehovah think about it?’ does not have to be asked with bad intentions. For the elder or parent, it may be loving spiritual guidance. For the child, however, the same question can carry far more weight than an ordinary personal opinion.
That is why, in religious upbringing, it is important not only what children are taught, but also how much space they are given to examine it for themselves later on.
Perhaps the most important question for a believing parent is therefore not only:
‘Have I taught my child well what I consider to be the truth?’
but also:
‘Have I given my child enough love and safety to later examine for themselves whether they also believe this is the truth?’
Sources and further reading
New World Translation – Deuteronomy 6:6, 7; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:1-4. Bible passages about upbringing, teaching, and parental responsibility.
Jehovah’s Witnesses – publications on the spiritual upbringing of children and family worship. About the role of parents in religious upbringing.
Watchtower Online Library – publications about parents, children, young people, and spiritual goals. Background on faith development within the congregation.
Organized to Do Jehovah’s Will. About children, young people, and their place within the congregation.
Albert Bandura – Social Learning Theory. About learning through observation, role modeling, and responses from the social environment.
Henri Tajfel & John Turner – Social Identity Theory. About group identity and the feeling of belonging.
American Psychological Association – information about development, socialization, and social influence. General psychological background.
Also read
The truth – What does it mean to be raised ‘in the truth’?
Shepherding visit – What role can elders play in personal spiritual guidance?
Unbaptized publisher – What step can a child or young person take before baptism?
Elder – What responsibility do elders have within the congregation?
Field service – What role does preaching play in religious upbringing?
Worldly – How does a child learn to distinguish between the congregation and the world outside?
