G - Religious upbringing

Recognizable questions Is it only the parents who raise a child religiously? What role do elders, talks, publications, and other congregation members play? What does the Bible’s command to ‘impress’ God’s words on children mean? How does a child learn which behavior belongs to ‘the truth’? What happens when different adults reinforce the same standards? Can an elder address a child directly about what they watch or do? Is that religious upbringing, involvement, or social control? Can such an upbringing be harmful? And how much room does a child feel they have later to decide for themselves what they believe? Religious upbringing starts with the parents Within Jehovah’s Witnesses, the primary responsibility for a child’s spiritual upbringing lies with the parents. An important Bible text in this connection is Deuteronomy 6:6, 7. There, parents are instructed to ‘impress’ God’s words on their children and to talk about them at home, on the road, when going to bed, and when getting up. From the Jehovah’s Witness faith perspective, that is something positive. When parents are convinced that they have found the truth about Jehovah, they naturally want to pass it on to their children. As a result, religious upbringing can become part of daily family life from a very young age. What does ‘impress’ mean? The idea behind Deuteronomy is that God’s words are taught repeatedly and carefully to children and become part of everyday life. Within a Jehovah’s Witness family, that can happen at all kinds of times: during family worship, Bible reading, prayer, preparation for meetings, preaching, and conversations about school, friends, clothing, entertainment, and behavior. As a result, a child learns not only what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe. They also learn how those beliefs are applied to everyday situations. But parents don’t raise a child alone That is an important distinction. A child growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness usually does not receive religious messages only from father and mother. They also encounter the same faith world through elders, other congregation members, meetings, talks, publications, videos, conventions, field service, and other children in the congregation . How strong that influence is varies from family to family and congregation to congregation. Elders also differ. One elder may have a lot of personal contact with children and teenagers, while another is much less involved. Still, a child does not grow up only within a religious family, but also within a wider religious community . Children are addressed directly during meetings A talk at the Kingdom Hall is not only for adults. Speakers may address children and teenagers directly about, for example, respect for parents, honesty, obedience, friends, school, entertainment, dating, meetings, and preaching . From the faith perspective, that is Bible-based instruction. Parents may appreciate that values they try to pass on at home are also reinforced in the congregation. Psychologically, something else is happening at the same time: the same standard comes not only from father or mother, but also from other adults who have spiritual authority or standing within the community. Elders can speak to a child personally That influence does not have to be limited to a talk. An elder can compliment a child personally, ask questions, or offer advice about something. One example described by a sister in a congregation shows how small such a moment can be and how much meaning it can still take on. An elder was at the family’s home. A cartoon was on the television featuring dragons. The elder addressed her child directly and asked something along the lines of: ‘What do you think of this cartoon?’ Then came a second question: ‘And what do you think Jehovah thinks about you watching this?’ There was no formal shepherding visit and no punishment was imposed. It was just a few questions during an ordinary moment. But for the mother, it felt different right away. ‘I could have sunk through the floor’ The sister later described her reaction roughly like this: ‘I could have sunk through the floor. My first thought was: apparently I’m not raising my child properly.’ That is interesting because the elder did not have to say to her, literally: ‘You are a bad mother.’ The question to the child was enough to trigger that conclusion about her parenting. That shows how religious standards can also work through guilt, responsibility, and one’s own conscience . The elder may have fully intended it as loving spiritual guidance. At the same time, the mother could experience it as a judgment on her parenting. Both perspectives can exist side by side. Why the question ‘What does Jehovah think?’ can carry so much weight There is also a difference between: ‘Do you think this cartoon is appropriate?’ and: ‘What does Jehovah think about you watching this?’ With the first question, a child can think about their own opinion. With the second, the behavior is linked to what God would think of it . For a child who believes that Jehovah truly sees what they do and that a good relationship with him is important, such a question can carry a lot of weight. That does not automatically mean the question is harmful. Religious parents ask similar moral questions from their convictions. But psychologically, the source of the standard shifts. It is no longer only: ‘An elder thinks this cartoon is not wise.’ The child may experience it as: ‘Jehovah thinks I shouldn’t watch this.’ Who actually decides what Jehovah thinks? That raises an important follow-up question. Sometimes it concerns behavior for which there is a clear religious rule within Jehovah’s Witnesses. In other situations, a Bible principle is applied to something for which no specific Bible text says: ‘This cartoon is allowed and this cartoon is not allowed.’ In entertainment, themes such as violence, occultism, magic, or sexuality may be taken into account. Then it is useful to distinguish between: what is literally in the Bible, how the organization interprets a Bible principle, and how an individual elder or parent applies that principle to a specific movie . For a child, those three can easily merge into: ‘Jehovah does not want this.’ Other congregation members also have influence Not only elders can affirm or correct behavior. A brother or sister may speak to a parent about something. Sometimes the child is addressed directly. That can happen seriously, but also kindly, jokingly, or in passing. It is precisely these small remarks that can say a lot about how group norms are passed on in daily life. An example: fireworks at New Year’s In a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses, the children were not allowed to set off fireworks on New Year’s Eve. That fit the choices their parents had made for the family based on their faith. After New Year’s, the children went outside looking for fireworks that had not gone off. In front of their house, they tried to light them anyway. A neighbor who was also one of Jehovah’s Witnesses walked by and saw what they were doing. She said: ‘Having fun, brothers?’ On its own, it is only a few words. No punishment is announced. The children receive no formal reprimand. The sister does not even directly say they should stop. But precisely the word ‘brothers’ can carry an extra message in this context: you are young Jehovah’s Witnesses — does what you are doing now fit that? One remark can be enough Psychological influence does not have to consist of long conversations or explicit rules. Children also learn through the reactions of important people around them. A compliment, a look, a joke, or a brief remark can convey information: ‘This behavior fits with us.’ or: ‘We actually don’t expect this behavior from someone like you.’ That is not automatically manipulation. It is a normal process of socialization and social influence . The same happens at home, at school, and in sports clubs. The relevant question is mainly how much room there ultimately is when a child does not want to meet the group’s expectations . The same message can come from different sides Suppose a child learns at home that certain entertainment is not wise. Later, they hear something similar during a talk. An elder asks what Jehovah would think of it. A congregation member reacts when the child shows certain behavior. And friends in the congregation live by roughly the same standards. Then the child is not receiving four completely separate messages. They can psychologically reinforce one another. The child learns: ‘This is not just what my parents think. This is how we live as Jehovah’s Witnesses.’ That can provide safety and clarity There is also a positive side to that. A consistent environment can be easy for a child to navigate. Home, the Kingdom Hall, and friends largely follow the same values. The child knows what is expected of them. A religious community can also place several adults around a child who show interest, give compliments, help, and create the feeling: ‘You belong with us.’ For some children, that can provide a lot of connection, assurance, and safety. Positive attention also shapes So religious upbringing is certainly not just about correction. A child who gives a good talk may receive compliments. A teenager who joins in the ministry may be encouraged. When a child becomes an unbaptized publisher, congregation members may react enthusiastically. A respected elder may send a card or say how pleased he is that a young person is making spiritual progress. That can be completely sincere and loving. Psychologically, a child also learns at the same time: ‘When I choose this direction, I get appreciation from people who matter to me.’ That too is a normal human learning process. When does influence become social pressure? All upbringing influences children. That is unavoidable. Parents pass on language, manners, standards, political or social ideas, and beliefs about right and wrong. So it would be wrong to immediately call every religious influence indoctrination or harmful social control . It becomes more psychologically interesting when a child experiences that asking questions, deviating, or ultimately making a different choice can have consequences for approval, belonging, identity, or important relationships . Then a norm can become much stronger than when a parent simply says: ‘I hope you’ll believe the same as I do later.’ ‘The truth’ strengthens the meaning Within Jehovah’s Witnesses, there is also a particular way of speaking. A child usually learns not only: ‘We are Jehovah’s Witnesses.’ It also hears: ‘We have the truth.’ ‘You’re being raised in the truth.’ ‘Stay close to Jehovah.’ ‘Make spiritual progress.’ That can make the religious frame of reference for a child more than just one possible worldview. It can simply feel like: ‘This is how reality works.’ When a child later starts to doubt, the thought may therefore not only be: ‘Maybe I believe something different from my parents.’ but: ‘What if I leave the truth?’ What happens to the conscience? When norms are repeated and reinforced often enough, eventually no one else is always needed to enforce them. A child can start correcting itself. The elder’s question: ‘What would Jehovah think of that?’ can later become an inner question someone asks themselves, even when no parent, elder, or congregation member is present. Psychologically, the process in which external norms become part of a person’s own beliefs and self-regulation is called internalization . That is not necessarily negative. Developing a conscience and personal values is a normal part of growing up. The important question is whether someone later also feels room to examine those internalized norms again. The influence can continue into adulthood That explains why someone years later can still have a strong emotional reaction to something they now rationally think differently about. For example, an adult may think: ‘Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with this.’ and yet immediately feel guilt or tension. That feeling may come from norms that, during childhood, became strongly linked to approval, Jehovah, identity, and one’s own conscience. Such a reaction does not prove the old norm was right. But neither does it prove the norm was wrong. The feeling is real; its meaning deserves to be examined again. Can religious upbringing be harmful? Religious upbringing in itself is not automatically harmful. Religion can give children meaning, hope, community, structure, moral direction, and social support. Potential psychological strain depends much more on how the child experiences the upbringing. Can they ask questions safely? Are they allowed to think differently about something? Are mistakes linked to excessive fear or shame? Is love still available when the child makes different choices? Can a young person ultimately decide not to continue in the faith without feeling they’ve lost their parents or community as people? Children in the same family can experience exactly the same religious environment very differently. The difference between guilt and responsibility The mother’s example in the cartoon shows something else as well. Her immediate thought was: ‘I’m not raising my child properly.’ But that is not necessarily the same as: ‘I have actually harmed my child.’ A religious environment can foster a strong sense of responsibility in parents. That can motivate them to raise their children with care and involvement. But responsibility can also turn into guilt when a parent constantly feels that their child’s spiritual choices reflect on their own quality as a father or mother. That is why it can be helpful to ask: ‘Did I really do something wrong, or do I feel guilty because someone judges my choice differently?’ A child does not choose from a blank slate A child who grows up hearing the same religious reality at home, at meetings, in publications, in field service, and from important adults from an early age does not later begin from a neutral position. But no one begins completely neutral. Every child is shaped by family, culture, and surroundings. That does not automatically invalidate a later choice for Jehovah’s Witnesses. Rather, it makes it valuable when a young person can at some point say: ‘I got this from my parents and congregation. Now I want to find out for myself why I believe it.’ Choosing freely also means another answer must feel possible When we talk about freedom of belief, we can therefore ask two questions. Not only: ‘May my child choose to become one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?’ but also: ‘What happens if my child eventually decides not to be one?’ May they doubt? May they ask difficult questions? May they look into information? Can they say they do not believe something? Do they remain the same beloved son or daughter? A choice carries more psychological weight when more than one answer genuinely feels possible . For reflection Who taught me as a child what Jehovah expected of me? Did those messages come only from my parents, or also from elders and congregation members? Which choices earned me compliments and appreciation? Which behaviors were corrected? Was I asked what I thought about something, or mainly what Jehovah would think of it? How was it determined what Jehovah thought about a particular movie, hobby, or choice? Could I distinguish between a Bible rule and the application of an elder or congregation member? How did it feel when someone outside my family confronted me about my behavior? Was that care, protection, social control, or something in between? Did I feel responsible for my family’s spiritual reputation? As a parent, can I hope my child adopts my faith while still leaving room for a different conclusion? If my child knows for sure that our relationship will remain safe if they choose differently, would they make the same faith choice? In conclusion Religious upbringing within Jehovah’s Witnesses does not take place solely between parents and children . According to the beliefs, parents have the primary responsibility and are encouraged from Deuteronomy to ‘inculcate’ God’s words in their children. But around the child stands an entire religious community. Elders can approach children personally. Speakers address young people during meetings. Publications and videos teach standards and behavior. Brothers and sisters give compliments or sometimes make it clear with a single brief remark what they consider appropriate for a young Jehovah’s Witness. That can give a child a great deal of belonging, clarity, attention, and safety . At the same time, it can also mean that standards are reinforced from so many sides that they become deeply part of identity and conscience. An elder who asks a child ‘What would Jehovah think about this?’ does not have to mean that in a bad way. For him, it may be loving spiritual guidance. But for the child and even for the parent, that question can carry much more weight than when someone simply gives their personal opinion. That is why in religious upbringing it is important not only what children are taught , but also how much room they are given to examine it for themselves later. Perhaps the most important question for a believing parent is therefore not only: ‘Have I taught my child well what I consider to be the truth?’ but also: ‘Have I given my child enough love and safety to later examine for themselves whether they also believe this is the truth?’ Sources New World Translation - Deuteronomy 6:6, 7; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:1-4 JW.org - publications on the spiritual upbringing of children and family worship Watchtower Online Library - publications about parents, children, young people, and spiritual goals Organized to Do Jehovah’s Will - information about children, young people, and the congregation American Psychological Association - information on development, socialization, and social influence Albert Bandura - Social Learning Theory Henri Tajfel & John Turner - Social Identity Theory See also in the A-Z Glossary of Jehovah’s Witnesses D - The truth - What does it mean to be raised ‘in the truth’? H - Shepherding visit - What role can elders play in personal spiritual guidance? O - Unbaptized publisher - What step can a child or young person take before baptism? O - Elder - What responsibility do elders have within the congregation? V - Field service - What role does preaching play in faith-based upbringing? W - Worldly - How does a child learn to distinguish between the congregation and the world outside it?