Recognizable Questions
- Have you ever noticed that a choice feels less free when you know that saying yes will make someone happy and saying no could deeply hurt someone?
- Do you recognize the feeling that a decision becomes heavier when it is tied to family, friendships, and your whole familiar environment?
- Have you ever had the sense that doubting something bigger than an opinion also feels like doubting your own identity?
- Do you know the tension between genuinely wanting to choose something now and not being able to fully foresee what that choice might mean for you years from now?
- Have you ever experienced that “choosing for yourself” feels different when there is no outright coercion, but there is subtle pressure, expectations, or fear of the consequences?
- Free will or learned choice?
- How free is a religious choice when faith, family, identity, and future are all connected?
Jehovah's Witnesses place a high value on free will.
Jehovah does not force anyone to serve him. Each person must decide for themselves whether to choose Jehovah.
That is why babies among Jehovah's Witnesses are not baptized. A person must be old enough to understand what they are doing and must dedicate themselves to Jehovah of their own free will.
That sounds like a free choice.
But for a child who is raised as a Jehovah's Witness from birth, an interesting question arises:
How free does a choice feel when, from birth, one option is tied to everything and everyone you love?
That is what this article is about.
Not about whether a parent may pass on their faith to their child.
But about the question:
What does a child need in order to truly make their own choice in the end?
You do not choose from an empty room
A child does not choose their faith without a background.
As we saw in the previous article, a child growing up as a Jehovah's Witness may have been familiar for years with the Kingdom Hall, meetings, field service, conventions, prayers, Bible stories, and JW publications before they can even assess whether they themselves share these beliefs.
They have learned who Jehovah is.
They have heard about Satan.
They know about Paradise.
They have heard about Armageddon.
They know what “the truth” means.
They have learned that there is a difference between Jehovah's people and “the world.”
And it is precisely in that same world that the child has built their most important relationships.
Dad and Mom believe it.
Brothers and sisters may as well.
Grandpa and Grandma maybe too.
The family’s friends may be in the congregation.
The children they spend a lot of time with may be children of other Witnesses.
The elders are familiar adults.
At conventions, they see thousands of people who believe the same thing.
A child later does not choose between two abstract worldviews.
They choose from a world in which one of them has already been home for years.
The two choices do not have the same meaning
Suppose a fifteen-year-old girl says:
“I want to serve Jehovah.”
What can follow from that?
Her parents are happy.
Brothers and sisters encourage her.
She can do more in the field service.
Maybe she starts pioneering.
She is making spiritual progress.
And when she is eventually baptized, it is seen as a wonderful decision.
Now suppose the same girl says:
“I do not believe this is the truth.”
Formally, that is also a choice.
But emotionally, it is a very different choice.
Her parents may become sad.
They may become afraid.
Not only because their daughter is choosing a different worldview.
They may truly believe that her eternal future is at stake.
That she is leaving Jehovah.
That the world is influencing her.
Or that Satan is trying to pull her away from Jehovah.
The girl does not even need to hear her parents say:
“You are not allowed to leave.”
She sees their sadness.
And for a child, that alone can weigh very heavily.
Making Mom and Dad sad
Children are sensitive to their parents’ approval.
That is normal.
A child usually wants their parents to be proud of them.
That is why a choice in which the child knows that one answer makes their parents happy and the other deeply upsets them is not psychologically entirely neutral.
Think of a child who says:
“I want to get baptized.”
The response may be:
How wonderful.
We are so proud of you.
Jehovah will be very happy with you.
But what if they say:
“I do not want to become one of Jehovah's Witnesses.”
Even loving parents can be shocked by that.
And precisely because the child loves their parents, their fear can become part of their own consideration.
Then the child is not just choosing:
What do I believe?
but possibly at the same time:
How much hurt can I cause my parents?
That can create a loyalty conflict.
And then there is Jehovah
For a JW child, there is also a relationship that can feel very real to the child:
their relationship with Jehovah.
Questioning the organization can therefore feel much bigger than questioning a human institution.
If the child has learned that Jehovah leads his people through his organization, doubting what the organization teaches may be experienced as doubting Jehovah himself.
A young person may therefore think:
Am I rebellious?
Am I spiritually weak?
Am I making Jehovah sad?
Is Satan influencing me?
Will I lose paradise?
What will happen to me at Armageddon?
That makes independent research emotionally charged.
Because there is a possibility that while searching, you discover that you no longer believe.
And that outcome in particular can be frightening.
Free will and fear
This raises an important question:
How free can a choice feel when one of the possible outcomes is tied to fear?
Suppose someone tells you:
'You can choose for yourself which path you take.'
There are two paths.
On one side is:
Jehovah.
Your family.
Your friends.
Paradise.
Everlasting life.
Safety.
On the other, you may have learned to think of:
the world.
Satan.
spiritual danger.
Armageddon.
Maybe even death in the end.
Formally, there are two paths.
But for a child, those paths do not necessarily feel equally weighted.
Having a choice is not the same as having two choices that feel equally safe.
'The world'
That becomes even more important when a child does not become acquainted with life outside Jehovah's Witnesses in an unrestricted way.
JW children usually just go to school and therefore are not literally cut off from society.
But they are also taught that they must 'not be part of the world'.
For example, they do not celebrate birthdays and certain holidays and are warned about bad associations.
As a result, a child may know people outside the congregation, while at the same time learning to be cautious about close friendships and certain activities.
And that affects the environment in which a later choice about faith is made.
Because in order to truly compare two worlds, you have to be able to get to know them to some extent too.
Rapunzel and the open door
That is why the comparison with Rapunzel is interesting.
Not because Jehovah's Witness parents deliberately lock their children up.
Most JW parents will, on the contrary, think they are protecting their children.
But imagine a child who hears throughout their entire childhood:
'It’s dangerous outside.'
One day the door is opened and they are told:
'Now you can choose for yourself.'
Is the child then completely free?
Technically, the door may be open.
But in the child’s mind, everything they have heard for years about the outside is still there.
They no longer need to be physically held back.
The boundary may by now have moved from the outside to the inside.
That is the difference between a visible restriction and a conviction that someone has come to carry within themselves.
Identity does not develop in isolation
During childhood and especially adolescence, identity becomes increasingly important.
A young person discovers:
Who am I?
Where do I belong?
What matters to me?
What kind of people fit me?
What do I believe?
What do I want to become later?
In that process, peers and experiences outside the family play an increasingly important role.
But what happens when many parts of your identity are already tied to one community?
Your friends.
Your faith.
Your vision of the future.
Your morals.
Your social activities.
Your family.
Your possible future partner.
Your view of God.
Then doubting one part may mean that other parts start to shift too.
That may explain why faith doubt for someone who grew up as a JW can feel so much bigger than:
'I’ve changed my mind.'
It can feel like:
'Who am I if this is not true?'
Baptism makes the choice even more important
Among Jehovah's Witnesses, baptism is not infant baptism.
A young person must themselves indicate that they want to get baptized.
That is an important difference from religions in which babies are baptized.
At the same time, minors are also baptized among Jehovah's Witnesses.
And that creates a special situation.
A minor can make a religious decision intended to last a lifetime, one that may later have major social consequences if that same person comes to believe differently as an adult.
That is why the baptism itself is not the only thing that deserves attention.
The process before baptism also deserves attention.
The questions before baptism
Anyone who wants to be baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses goes through a process with elders in advance.
Topics and questions from Jehovah's Witnesses' teachings are discussed. This is not only about faith in God and Jesus, but also about understanding the place of Jehovah's organization and living according to the standards expected within Jehovah's Witnesses.
The candidate discusses these topics with elders and answers questions.
After that, it is assessed whether the candidate has sufficient understanding and is ready for baptism.
The thinking behind this is understandable:
someone should know what they are choosing.
But with a minor, a second question then arises:
What does 'knowing what you're choosing' actually mean?
Is it enough that a young person knows the teachings and can answer the questions?
Or must they also be able to grasp what this choice could mean ten, twenty, or thirty years from now?
Knowing the right answers is not the same as being able to foresee the future
A child raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses from birth may have an exceptional amount of knowledge about the faith at a young age.
They can look up Bible verses.
They know the language of the congregation.
They know what Jehovah's Witnesses believe about Armageddon, paradise, blood, sex, association, and the congregation.
They know which answers go with particular questions of faith.
And a young person can honestly say:
'I want to serve Jehovah forever.'
No one has to deny that feeling later on.
But religious knowledge and sincere conviction are not automatically the same as being able to foresee all the future consequences of a lifelong decision.
That distinction matters.
Who decides whether a minor is ready?
Ultimately, elders play an important role in assessing whether someone is ready for baptism.
Many elders may have known the young person for years.
Some are fathers themselves.
Some have a lot of life experience and can deal with young people very carefully.
It would therefore be incorrect to say that elders, by definition, cannot judge whether a young person is seriously engaged with their faith.
But there is another question.
By virtue of their role, elders are not automatically experts in:
developmental psychology;
adolescent development;
identity formation;
neurological development;
or informed decision-making in minors.
And that raises a legitimate question:
What expertise is actually needed to determine that a minor not only understands what baptism means today, but can also sufficiently grasp the possible consequences for their future life?
The teenage brain is still developing
Here we need to be careful in how we phrase this.
A young person does not have a 'half-developed brain' and is not incapable of making important decisions.
A fifteen- or sixteen-year-old can be intelligent, think deeply, hold strong convictions, and make very deliberate choices.
At the same time, their development is not yet complete.
The U.S. National Institute of Mental Health explains that the brain continues to develop and mature into the mid-to-late twenties. The prefrontal cortex — important for, among other things, planning, prioritizing, and decision-making — is among the last brain regions to fully mature.
National Institute of Mental Health - The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know
That does not mean:
a young person cannot choose.
It does mean that adolescence is precisely a stage of life in which development, identity, social environment, and decision-making are still very much in flux.
And that makes a lifelong religious commitment significant.
You don't yet know at fourteen who you will be at thirty
A young person who gets baptized may still be in secondary school.
They may never have lived independently.
Not yet chosen further education.
Not yet held a job.
Not yet had a long-term adult relationship.
Not yet raised children.
Not yet taken out a mortgage or signed a rental contract.
Not yet lived independently outside the parental home for years.
They are still in the process of discovering who they are.
That does not mean their faith is not real.
But it does mean they are making a lifelong decision before a large part of that life has been experienced.
Is it also explained what happens if you later think differently?
This may be one of the most important questions.
During baptism preparation, a lot of attention is given to what it means to serve Jehovah.
But a fully informed decision has another side as well:
What happens when, later on, you no longer want to?
Before baptism, is a minor clearly told what may happen if, at age thirty, he says:
'I no longer believe this'?
Does a twelve-, fourteen-, or sixteen-year-old understand what the consequences can be if he later displays behavior that leads to being removed from the congregation?
Does he understand what it can mean for relationships within the faith community?
Does he understand what can happen when his parents, brothers, sisters, and best friends are still Jehovah's Witnesses decades later?
And does he understand that the person he is at forty may think fundamentally differently from the person he was at fourteen?
Those are not minor details.
They go to the heart of what informed choice means.
Ask the question the other way around
Suppose that before his baptism, a fourteen-year-old is asked not only:
'Do you want to serve Jehovah forever?'
but also:
'Suppose that twenty years from now, after extensive research, you come to believe that Jehovah's Witnesses are not God's organization. What do you think your decision today could mean for your life then?'
Can a fourteen-year-old truly imagine that situation?
Does he know who he will be at thirty-four?
Who his partner is?
Who his friends are?
Whether he has children?
What beliefs he will have developed by then?
No one can fully know that.
Not even an adult.
But with a minor, there is something else added to that:
his identity and brain development are still very much in progress.
The responsibility of the one approving the baptism
That is why, when minors are baptized, perhaps you should not only ask:
Does the young person have enough Bible knowledge?
Does he give the right answers?
Is he living by the congregation's standards?
But also:
Does this young person truly understand the consequences of both staying and leaving?
And if the elders ultimately judge that he is ready:
How did they determine that?
This is not an accusation against individual elders.
It is a question about the system.
Because the younger someone enters into a lifelong commitment, the more important the responsibility of the adults becomes who say:
'Yes, you are ready to make this decision.'
Religious maturity and psychological maturity are not the same
Within a religious community, a young person may be considered spiritually mature.
He gives good answers.
He goes out in the field ministry.
He has a good reputation.
He reads the Bible.
He prays.
He wants to serve Jehovah.
But spiritual maturity by a religion's standards is not automatically the same as developmental psychological maturity.
A child can know an extraordinary amount about his faith and still be right in the middle of identity development.
Both can be true at the same time.
An striking contradiction
In society, we protect minors in all sorts of areas precisely because we recognize that they are still developing.
Yet within a religious community, a minor can make a decision that is regarded as a lifelong dedication to God.
That does not necessarily have to be a problem in itself.
The difficult question arises when that decision continues to have social consequences years later, while the beliefs of the now-adult person have since changed.
That is why, before baptism, perhaps it should not only be asked:
'Are you convinced that this is the truth?'
but also:
'What happens if, fifteen years from now, you become convinced that this is NOT the truth?'
If that second possibility cannot truly be discussed and understood, the question arises as to how fully informed the first choice is.
Free will does not only mean being free to say yes.
Free will also means that saying no — now and later — must remain a genuinely possible choice.
The absence of literal force does not automatically mean full freedom
A parent never has to say:
'You must get baptized.'
And yet pressure can still exist.
Pressure can be subtle.
A proud look when a child gives an answer.
Lots of praise when he does more in the field ministry.
Examples of other young people setting spiritual goals.
Conversations about baptism.
Conventions where young people are encouraged to make spiritual choices.
The joy surrounding someone who gets baptized.
None of these things has to be wrong or coercive in itself.
But together they do form the social environment in which a child makes his decision.
That also applies to many groups and families.
We humans are constantly influenced by the people around us.
Precisely for that reason, when making a decision with such major consequences, it is important to look beyond just:
'Nobody forced him.'
The JW parent is in a loyalty conflict too
And now for the other side.
Suppose you are a mother and genuinely believe that Jehovah’s Witnesses have the truth.
Your sixteen-year-old son says:
'Mom, I don’t believe it anymore.'
What are you supposed to do?
You love your son.
But you also believe his life depends on it.
Maybe you think you fell short in his spiritual upbringing.
Maybe you ask yourself whether you should have done family worship more often.
Maybe you fear that bad associations influenced him.
Maybe you pray to Jehovah at night.
Maybe you think about Armageddon and picture your own child not in paradise.
Then that parent is under enormous emotional pressure too.
We must not forget that.
Because otherwise we turn a complicated system into a simple story with a perpetrator and a victim.
The reality can be much more painful:
parent and child may both be afraid of losing each other.
But the responsibility is not equal
Still, there is an important difference.
The adult is the parent.
The child depends on that adult.
That is why the parent has more responsibility to create space.
A child should not be made responsible for the emotional well-being of their parents just because they believe differently.
A fifteen-year-old should not have to think:
I have to stay a Jehovah’s Witness, otherwise I’ll destroy Mom.
A parent may feel sad.
A parent may be afraid.
A parent may believe.
But the child should also be able to experience:
My choice does not change how much my parents love me.
What could real freedom of choice mean?
Maybe for a child, religious free will does not mean parents can no longer teach anything.
Maybe it means that parents may clearly pass on their beliefs while at the same time creating room to examine those beliefs.
For example:
'This is what we believe. But you may ask why.'
'You do not have to get baptized because we want you to.'
'Feel free to wait until you are sure what you want.'
'You may tell us what you don’t believe.'
'You may ask questions we do not know the answer to.'
'You may get to know people with different beliefs.'
'If you choose differently later, you will still be our child.'
Then free will takes on a different meaning.
Not:
You are free to choose our path for yourself.
But:
You are free to discover which path is truly yours.
For young people who are doubting
Maybe you are still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Maybe you live at home.
Maybe people are talking about your baptism.
Maybe you just don’t know.
Then:
'I don’t know yet'
is also an answer.
A lifelong religious decision does not have to be made because other people are ready for it.
You are allowed to think.
You are allowed to ask questions.
You are allowed to need time.
And when you notice that you mainly want to make a certain choice because you are afraid of disappointing someone, it can be worthwhile to ask yourself:
What would I choose if nobody were sad, angry, or disappointed?
Not because the answer that appears then is automatically the right one.
But because it may tell you something about your own voice.
For adults looking back
Maybe you were twelve, fourteen, sixteen, or eighteen when you got baptized.
Maybe you truly wanted it at the time.
That does not have to be denied afterward.
A choice can have been completely sincere at the time and later change.
The more interesting questions may be:
What options could I really see at the time?
How much did I know about other worldviews?
How did I feel about the world outside the congregation?
What did I think would happen if I did not choose Jehovah?
How important was my parents’ approval?
How important was belonging?
Did I really know what would happen if I no longer believed twenty years later?
Was not getting baptized really an emotional option for me?
Those questions are not an accusation against the child you were then.
They can help you understand how your choice came about.
Maybe free will starts with one sentence
A JW parent does not have to give up their own faith in order to give their child room.
Maybe it starts with a sentence that can mean a great deal to a child:
'I hope you choose Jehovah. But if you believe something different later on, I will still love you just as much.'
Then the child knows something that may be even more important than the answer to the question of faith:
I don’t have to lose my parents in order to become myself.
And perhaps it is precisely from that sense of security that the best opportunity arises to truly choose freely.
Join the conversation
How free did your choice of faith feel?
Did you want to get baptized as a teenager?
How old were you?
Do you still remember why you wanted to?
Did you feel that you could also have said you didn’t want to?
Before your baptism, did you know what the consequences could be if you later left the congregation or were disfellowshipped?
Can you remember an elder discussing that with you in detail?
Were you able to have doubts at home?
Were you able to explore other beliefs?
And for parents who are still Jehovah's Witnesses:
What would you do if your child says one day, 'I no longer believe what you believe'?
The purpose of these questions is not to determine which faith is true.
It is about a different question:
