Recognizable questions
- Why doesn’t my therapist understand why leaving my faith has been so life-changing?
- Does a psychologist need experience with Jehovah’s Witnesses?
- Where can I look for someone familiar with religious or worldview-related issues?
- What can I ask during an initial session?
- And how do I know whether a therapist is a good fit for me?
Leaving a religious community can mean much more than simply believing differently. For some former Jehovah’s Witnesses, family contact, social network, identity, outlook on the future, and ideas about right and wrong all change at the same time.
Others experience mainly relief or have few psychological problems after leaving. So there is no single standard experience of an ex-JW.
But when you do need help, it can be reassuring if a therapist understands that religion can be woven into a person’s life much more deeply than just the question:
‘Do you still believe in God?’
Does your therapist need to know Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Not necessarily.
Of course, it can be nice if a therapist already has experience with former Jehovah’s Witnesses or other highly organized religious communities.
But a therapist who knows little about that may still be a good fit for you.
Perhaps a more important question is:
Is this person willing to listen and take my religious background seriously without deciding in advance what I should believe?
A good therapist does not need to be for or against Jehovah’s Witnesses.
He or she also does not need to tell you that your faith was wrong.
What matters is that there is room for your experience.
What should you search for?
There is no official Dutch specialty called ‘therapist for ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses’.
You can, however, look for care providers with experience in or an affinity for topics that may connect with your situation, such as:
religion, worldview, and meaning in life;
loss of identity;
family estrangement and grief;
trauma or prolonged stress;
coercive control or psychological manipulation;
leaving closed or tightly knit communities;
‘religious trauma’ or spiritual abuse.
Not everyone who leaves Jehovah’s Witnesses has trauma. And not every difficult religious experience has to be labeled trauma.
Start with your GP
If psychological symptoms are affecting your daily functioning, your GP can be a good first step.
For insured treatment within mental health care, a referral is generally required, usually from the GP. Mental health care is covered under certain conditions by the basic insurance package, but the exact reimbursement can vary by treatment, provider, policy, and insurer. Mental health care may also be subject to the deductible.
You could explain it to your GP like this, for example:
‘My symptoms are linked to leaving a religious community and the loss of family, social contact, and identity. I’m looking for someone who is willing to take that background into account in my treatment.’
That says much more than simply:
‘I feel down.’
Check who you’re dealing with
If someone presents themselves as a health psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, or psychiatrist, you can check in the official BIG register whether that provider is registered. A BIG registration indicates that someone meets the legal requirements for that protected profession.
Search the official BIG register
However, the BIG register does not automatically tell you whether someone has experience with Jehovah’s Witnesses, religious communities, or your specific issues.
For that, you can look at the practice website or simply ask. In JW.World under the category professional help there are professionals who are specialized.
What can you ask before starting treatment?
You do not have to wait until you are five sessions in.
During an introductory meeting, for example, you can ask:
‘Do you have experience with people who have left a highly religious or closed community?’
Or:
‘Are you familiar with issues around loss of faith, shunning, family estrangement, and loss of identity?’
And perhaps even more importantly:
‘If you have little experience with this, are you willing to learn about my background?’
An honest answer such as:
‘I don’t know much about Jehovah’s Witnesses, but I want to understand what this means for you’
can sometimes be more valuable than someone who thinks they know exactly what your life was like after reading one article.
When might a therapist not be a good fit?
For example, pay attention if you notice that a therapist repeatedly downplays your experience.
For example:
“But you’re out now, aren’t you?”
“Why don’t you just move on?”
I would also be cautious if a counselor, from their own worldview, tries to decide what you should believe.
That goes both ways.
A therapist should not push you toward returning to a faith because they think religion is important.
But a therapist should also not decide for you that religion is harmful and that you should let go of your faith.
Your beliefs are not the therapist’s project. Your well-being comes first.
If, after a few sessions, you notice that someone fundamentally does not understand your background and makes little effort to understand it, you can discuss whether another provider might be a better fit for you.
Changing providers is not a failure.
Sometimes there simply is no good match.
Peer support can offer something different
Professional help and peer support serve different functions.
A psychologist can provide treatment.
A fellow ex-member can say something else:
“I know exactly what you mean when you say you were afraid of running into someone from the congregation.”
That recognition can be enormously valuable.
Through online communities, and this Forum ex-JWs can exchange experiences with relatively low barriers.
But peers are not a substitute for professional treatment when that is needed.
I think that distinction is important for ExJW.World.
What if you are still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Even then, you are allowed to seek professional help.
You do not have to leave the organization first before you can talk to a psychologist about anxiety, guilt, family relationships, doubt, or identity.
And a therapist does not have to try to convince you to stay or to leave.
That aligns exactly with ExJW.World’s starting point:
not to decide the outcome, but to create space to understand what is happening to you and to make your own choices.
Books and additional information
Some people find recognition in books about religious change or influence, for example Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell or works by Steven Hassan. Or Raymond Franz’s Crisis of Conscience. Do not see such books as a replacement for treatment or as proof that every religious experience is the same.
Use them as perspectives. Read critically. See what fits your experience and what does not.
When you need someone right away
If what you need most is someone to listen, De Luisterlijn is available by phone 24 hours a day at 088 0767 000. The calls are anonymous; standard phone charges from your provider apply.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact 113 Suicide Prevention. In immediate life-threatening danger: call 112.
In closing
The right therapist does not have to have experienced your history firsthand.
They do not even have to know everything about Jehovah’s Witnesses.
But you should feel:
My story is being taken seriously.
I do not have to keep defending my entire background.
My therapist is trying to understand what my faith, doubt, or leaving has meant to me.
And perhaps most importantly:
No one gets to decide for me here what I ultimately should believe.
That applies to an ex-JW who no longer believes, to someone who is doubting, and to a Jehovah’s Witness seeking professional help who wants to keep their faith.
