Recognizable questions

- Do you have experience with religious trauma or faith-related issues?

- Do you have experience with people from highly religious or close-knit faith communities?

- How do you view doubts about faith and losing faith?

- How do you deal with someone who wants to keep their faith?

- How do you make sure your own worldview does not influence my choices?

- Do you have experience with family estrangement or the loss of a social network?

- What treatment or support do you suggest, and why?

- What can we do if I do not feel safe or comfortable with a certain approach?

Seeking help can be an important step when you feel stuck because of fear, loss, exclusion, family problems, or experiences related to faith and religion.

Still, professional help can feel daunting. Maybe you were taught to solve problems primarily within the congregation. Maybe you are afraid that a helper will not understand your background, will mock your faith, or will pressure you into making certain choices.

Good professional help should not decide what you must believe or which life choices you must make. A helper is there to help you examine your experiences, symptoms, needs, and options.

You do not have to decide first whether you want to remain one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, return, or leave before you are allowed to seek help.

When can professional help be useful?

You do not have to be completely overwhelmed first. Help can be valuable when you:

  • experience persistent fear or guilt;

  • have trouble sleeping;

  • often think back to threatening talks, events, or images;

  • are afraid of Armageddon;

  • have lost social contacts;

  • no longer know who you are outside your faith or the organization;

  • have trouble setting boundaries;

  • have panic attacks or periods of depression;

  • have conflicts with your partner, parents, or children;

  • have experienced abuse or violence;

  • numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other behavior;

  • have thoughts that you no longer want to live.

  • Are confused

Even if you do not have serious mental health symptoms, but mainly want to make sense of what you have been through, you can still seek help.

Maybe you doubt your faith and do not want to leave at all. Maybe you are still a convinced Jehovah’s Witness. Maybe you are disfellowshipped, inactive, or have left yourself. Or maybe you are considering going back.

Professional help can also be there to explore what is going on in you, without the outcome being predetermined.

Which helper is right for me?

Different professionals offer different kinds of help.

Family doctor

In the Netherlands, the family doctor is often a good first step. You can talk about what you are struggling with. The family doctor can also check whether physical factors play a role and discuss with you what further help may be appropriate.

POH-GGZ

Many GP practices have a mental health care assistant. The POH-GGZ can map out your symptoms and situation together with you and discuss what support or possible follow-up care would be appropriate.

Psychologist

A psychologist can help, among other things, with fear, sadness, trauma, grief, guilt, questions of identity, and relationship problems.

Psychotherapist

A psychotherapist treats mental health issues and may be used, for example, for more complex or longer-standing problems.

Relationship therapist

A relationship therapist can provide support when differences in faith or worldview put pressure on a relationship. This can come up, for example, when one partner remains one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and the other doubts or no longer believes.

Social worker

A social worker can support you with social and practical problems, such as relationships, housing, finances, and finding suitable services.

Peer support

Contact with someone who has been through something similar can offer recognition that is sometimes hard to find elsewhere.

A fellow sufferer can understand why something that may seem small to an outsider can feel very big to you.

But peer support and professional help serve different purposes. When mental health symptoms are severe, peer contact is not always a substitute for professional treatment.

Look for someone who takes your background seriously

A helper does not need to know everything about Jehovah’s Witnesses before you walk in.

Much more important is that the person is willing to listen and understand what meaning your faith and religious environment have had or still have in your life.

Topics that may play a role include:

  • disfellowshipping and reduced or broken family contact;

  • loss of community;

  • fear of Armageddon or other end-times scenarios;

  • guilt and shame;

  • the impact of religious rules and expectations on daily life;

  • identity development;

  • faith doubts or loss of faith;

  • sexual shame;

  • loyalty conflicts within families;

  • family estrangement;

  • experiences that someone themselves experiences as religious or spiritual abuse;

  • religious trauma.

Not everyone who is or has been one of Jehovah’s Witnesses experiences these problems. Nor does a difficult religious experience automatically mean that someone has a mental disorder or trauma.

Your own experience is the starting point.

Questions you can ask a counselor

An initial conversation is not only for the counselor to get to know you. You are also allowed to find out whether this person is a good fit for you.

You could, for example, ask:

    A professional counselor should be able to make room for such questions.

    You do not have to tell everything right away

    You may have learned for years to be careful about what you say about your faith, the congregation, or other people. Then it can feel strange to suddenly discuss personal matters with a stranger.

    You do not have to tell your whole life story in the first session.

    For example, you can say:

    ‘I find it difficult to talk about this.’

    ‘I’m afraid you won’t understand my background.’

    ‘I’d like to know first how confidentiality and professional secrecy work.’

    ‘I don’t want my family or faith community to be contacted without my permission.’

    ‘I’m doubting my faith, but I don’t yet know what I want to do with that.’

    Or:

    ‘I’m still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and I don’t want therapy to be aimed at getting me out of my faith.’

    You are allowed to discuss the pace and ask why certain information is needed.

    Your faith does not have to be the problem

    We consider this distinction important at ExJW.World.

    When someone has mental health symptoms and is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, that does not automatically mean that Jehovah’s Witnesses are the cause of those symptoms.

    Conversely, a counselor should not rule out from the outset that religious experiences or the social consequences of faith may play a role.

    Maybe your faith gives you strength, structure, and hope.

    Maybe you experience certain parts as burdensome.

    Maybe both.

    Those experiences can coexist.

    A good counselor can explore with you what is supportive and what is difficult, without deciding in advance what conclusion you should draw about your faith.

    When a counselor is not a good fit

    Not every counselor is automatically the right match.

    Consider discussing this or possibly looking for someone else if a counselor:

    • repeatedly minimizes your experiences;

    • automatically judges religion as positive or negative;

    • tries to persuade you to stay one of Jehovah’s Witnesses or to leave;

    • pressures you without good reason to restore or break off family contact;

    • tries to impose his or her own worldview on you;

    • does not sufficiently explain why a certain treatment is being proposed;

    • repeatedly does not respect your boundaries;

    • continuously makes you feel that you have to defend your faith or your choice not to believe anymore.

    If one counselor is not a good fit for you, that does not mean professional help is not for you. Sometimes another person or treatment method is a better match.

    Costs and referral

    Access to and reimbursement for psychological care varies by country, insurance, care provider, and type of treatment.

    In the Netherlands, the family doctor is usually a logical first point of contact. The family doctor or POH-GGZ can discuss with you which help is appropriate and whether a referral is needed.

    Ask a care provider and, if necessary, your health insurer about waiting times, reimbursement, contracts, and possible costs before treatment begins.

    When you cannot wait

    Sometimes support is not something for later.

    If you have thoughts of suicide or are afraid you may harm yourself, do not carry that alone. In the Netherlands, you can contact your family doctor or the out-of-hours GP service. In immediate danger, call 112.

    If you have suicidal thoughts, you can also contact 113 Suicide Prevention via 113 or 0800-0113.

    My situation in view

    Maybe you do want help, but you do not know how to explain to a family doctor, POH-GGZ, psychologist, or other counselor what is going on.

    That is why ExJW.World developed the fillable letter; My situation in view.

    In it, you can indicate in advance, among other things:

    • what your background with Jehovah’s Witnesses is;

    • whether you still believe, are unsure, inactive, have left, or are considering going back;

    • which people or contacts you may have lost;

    • what changes or losses you have experienced;

    • what complaints or feelings you are experiencing;

    • what shunning or changed family contact does to you;

    • whether you feel safe;

    • why you may be considering returning;

    • what you would like a care provider to understand about your situation.

    The letter does not make a diagnosis and does not determine which choice you should make. It is a tool to make your situation visible more quickly and completely, so you do not have to explain everything from memory during an initial appointment.

    See: My situation at a glance - fill-in letter for GP, POH-GGZ, psychologist, or other care provider.

    Finally

    Seeking professional help does not mean you are weak or have failed.

    You also do not first have to know exactly what is wrong with you.

    Maybe you want to understand why certain fears keep coming back. Maybe you are trying to cope with the loss of family. Maybe you no longer really know who you are. Maybe you are unsure about your faith. Maybe you still believe, but are experiencing problems you cannot solve on your own.

    Or maybe you are asking yourself:

    Do I want to go back because I believe again, or because I miss the people and the community?

    That too is something you may explore without someone filling in the answer for you.

    Good professional help does not simply give you a new set of rules to follow. The goal is to create space to understand what you are experiencing, what you need, and which choices suit you.

    No pressure to stay. No pressure to leave.

    More help and support

    This article is a starting point. In the Help and support category on ExJW.World you will find more information and practical tools. Depending on what you are experiencing, the following articles may help you further:

    1. Religious trauma — what is meant by that, and is it an official diagnosis?

    2. Cognitive dissonance — what happens when beliefs, feelings, and experiences clash?

    3. Fear of Armageddon — why can fear continue, even when your beliefs change?

    4. Guilt — does feeling guilty automatically mean you have done something wrong?

    5. Mourning a faith — why can you grieve people, community, identity, and your vision of the future?

    6. I miss my community — do you miss your faith, the people, or the sense of belonging?

    7. My situation at a glance — a fill-in letter you can take to your GP, POH-GGZ, psychologist, or other care provider.

    8. Finding a suitable care provider — what should you look for, and what questions can you ask during an introductory meeting?

    Not every topic will apply to you. You also do not have to recognize yourself in a psychological concept or a diagnosis in order to keep reading.

    Choose what fits your situation and leave what does not fit you.

    Go to the Help and support category for all articles and tools