I want professional help

Seeking help can be an important step when you feel stuck because of fear, loss, exclusion, family problems, or experiences related to faith and religion. Still, professional help can feel daunting. Maybe you were taught to solve problems mainly within the congregation. Maybe you’re afraid a counselor won’t understand your background, will make fun of your faith, or will pressure you into making certain choices. Good professional help should not decide what you must believe or which life choices you should make. A counselor is there to help you explore your experiences, symptoms, needs, and options. You do not first have to decide whether you want to stay one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, go back, or leave before you are allowed to seek help. When can professional help be useful? You do not have to be completely overwhelmed first. Help can be valuable when you: experience constant anxiety or guilt; have trouble sleeping; often think back to threatening talks, events, or images; are afraid of Armageddon; have lost social contacts; no longer know who you are outside your faith or the organization; have trouble setting boundaries; have panic attacks or periods of depression; have conflicts with your partner, parents, or children; have experienced abuse or violence; numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other behavior; have thoughts that you no longer want to live. Are confused Even if you do not have severe mental health symptoms, but mainly want to make sense of what you have been through, you can seek help. Maybe you doubt your faith and do not want to leave at all. Maybe you are still a convinced Jehovah’s Witness. Maybe you are disfellowshipped, inactive, or have left on your own. Or maybe you are considering going back. Professional help can also be there to explore what is going on in you, without the outcome being predetermined. Which counselor is right for me? Different professionals offer different kinds of help. General practitioner In the Netherlands, the general practitioner is often a good first step. You can talk about what you are struggling with. The GP can also look at whether physical factors play a role and discuss with you what further help may be suitable. POH-GGZ Many general practice clinics have a mental health practice nurse. The POH-GGZ can help you and, together with you, map out your symptoms and situation and discuss what support or follow-up care may be appropriate. Psychologist A psychologist can help, among other things, with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, guilt, identity questions, and relationship problems. Psychotherapist A psychotherapist treats mental health complaints and may be used, for example, for more complex or longer-standing problems. Relationship therapist A relationship therapist can offer support when differences in faith or worldview put strain on a relationship. This can come up, for example, when one partner remains one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and the other doubts or no longer believes. Social worker A social worker can support you with social and practical problems, such as relationships, housing, finances, and finding suitable services. Peer support Contact with someone who has been through something similar can provide recognition that is sometimes hard to find elsewhere. A fellow ex-JW can understand why something that seems small to an outsider can feel very big to you. But peer support and professional help serve different purposes. When mental health symptoms are severe, peer support is not always a substitute for professional treatment. Find someone who takes your background seriously A counselor does not have to know everything about Jehovah’s Witnesses before you come in. Much more important is that they are willing to listen and understand what meaning your faith and religious environment have had, or still have, in your life. Topics that may play a role include, for example: disfellowshipping and reduced or broken family contact; loss of community; fear of Armageddon or other end-times scenarios; guilt and shame; the impact of religious rules and expectations on daily life; identity development; doubt or loss of faith; sexual shame; loyalty conflicts within families; family estrangement; experiences someone themselves sees as religious or spiritual abuse; religious trauma. Not everyone who is or has been one of Jehovah’s Witnesses experiences these problems. And a difficult religious experience does not automatically mean that someone has a mental disorder or trauma. Your own experience is the starting point. Questions you can ask a counselor A first appointment is not only for the therapist to get to know you. You can also find out whether this person is a good fit for you. For example, you can ask: Do you have experience with religious trauma or faith-related issues? Do you have experience working with people from highly religious or close-knit faith communities? How do you view doubts about faith and loss of faith? How do you handle someone who wants to keep their faith? How do you make sure your own worldview does not influence my choices? Do you have experience with family rifts or the loss of a social network? What treatment or support do you suggest, and why? What can we do if I do not feel safe or comfortable with a certain approach? A professional therapist should be able to make room for questions like these. You do not have to tell everything right away Maybe for years you have learned to be careful about what you tell others about your faith, the congregation, or other people. Then it can feel strange to discuss personal things with a stranger all of a sudden. You do not have to tell your whole life story during the first appointment. For example, you can say: ‘I find it hard to talk about this.’ ‘I am afraid you will not understand my background.’ ‘I want to know first how confidentiality and professional secrecy work.’ ‘I do not want my family or faith community to be approached without my permission.’ ‘I am doubting my faith, but I do not yet know what I want to do about it.’ Or: ‘I am still one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I do not want therapy to be aimed at getting me out of my faith.’ You are allowed to discuss the pace and ask why certain information is needed. Your faith does not have to be the problem We consider this distinction important at ExJW.World. When someone has mental health issues and is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, that does not automatically mean that Jehovah’s Witnesses are the cause of those issues. Conversely, a therapist should also not rule out in advance that religious experiences or the social consequences of faith may play a role. Perhaps your faith gives you strength, structure, and hope. Perhaps you experience certain parts of it as burdensome. Perhaps both. Those experiences can coexist. A good therapist can explore with you what is supportive and what is difficult, without deciding in advance what conclusion you should draw about your faith. When a therapist is not a good fit Not every therapist is automatically the right match. Consider discussing this or looking for someone else if a therapist: continually downplays your experiences; automatically judges religion as either positive or negative; tries to convince you to stay one of Jehovah’s Witnesses or, on the contrary, to leave; pressures you without good reason to restore or cut off family contact; tries to impose his or her own worldview on you; does not sufficiently explain why a particular treatment is being proposed; repeatedly does not respect your boundaries; constantly makes you feel that you have to defend your faith or your choice not to believe anymore. If one therapist is not a good fit for you, that does not mean professional help is not right for you. Sometimes another person or treatment method fits better. Costs and referral Access to and reimbursement for psychological care varies by country, insurance, healthcare provider, and type of treatment. In the Netherlands, the general practitioner is usually a logical first point of contact. The GP or POH-GGZ can discuss with you what kind of help is appropriate and whether a referral is needed. Ask a healthcare provider and, if necessary, your health insurer about waiting times, reimbursement, contracted care, and possible costs before treatment begins. When you cannot wait Sometimes support is not something for later. If you have thoughts of suicide or are afraid you may harm yourself, do not stay with it alone. In the Netherlands you can contact your GP or out-of-hours GP service. In immediate danger, call 112 . If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can also contact 113 Suicide Prevention via 113 or 0800-0113 . My situation in focus Maybe you do want to seek help, but you do not know how to explain to a GP, POH-GGZ, psychologist, or other therapist what is going on. That is why ExJW.World developed the fill-in letter; My situation in focus . In it, you can indicate in advance, among other things: what your background with Jehovah’s Witnesses is; whether you still believe, are doubting, are inactive, have left, or are considering going back; which people or contacts you may have lost; what changes or losses you have experienced; what symptoms or feelings you are experiencing; what shunning or changed family contact does to you; whether you feel safe; why you may be considering going back; what you would like a care provider to understand about your situation. The letter does not diagnose you or decide what choice you should make. It is a tool to make your situation visible more quickly and more fully , so you do not have to explain everything from memory during an initial appointment. See: My situation in view - fill-in letter for GP, mental health practice nurse, psychologist, or other care provider. Finally Seeking professional help does not mean that you are weak or have failed. You also do not need to know exactly what is going on with you first. Maybe you want to understand why certain fears keep coming back. Maybe you are trying to cope with loss of family. Maybe you no longer really know who you are. Maybe you are struggling with your faith. Maybe you still believe, but you are dealing with problems you cannot solve on your own. Or maybe you are asking yourself: Do I want to go back because I believe again, or because I miss the people and the community? You are allowed to explore that too without anyone filling in the answer for you. Good professional help does not simply give you a new set of rules to follow. The goal is to create space to understand what you are experiencing, what you need, and which choices suit you. No pressure to stay. No pressure to leave. More help and support This article is a starting point. Within the Help and support category on ExJW.World, you will find more information and practical resources. Depending on what you are experiencing, the following articles may help you further: Religious trauma — what is meant by that, and is it an official diagnosis? Cognitive dissonance — what happens when beliefs, feelings, and experiences clash? Fear of Armageddon — why can fear persist even when your beliefs change? Guilt — does feeling guilty automatically mean you have done something wrong? Mourning a faith — why can you grieve people, community, identity, and your view of the future? I miss my community — do you miss your faith, the people, or the sense of belonging? My situation in view — a fill-in letter you can take with you to your GP, mental health practice nurse, psychologist, or other care provider. Finding a suitable care provider — what should you look out for, and what questions can you ask during an introductory meeting? Not every topic will apply to you. You also do not need to recognize yourself in a psychological concept or a diagnosis in order to keep reading. Choose what fits your situation and leave aside what does not fit you. Go to the Help and support category for all articles and resources