Z- Self-image

Recognizable questions Why do I doubt myself so often? Why do I feel less worthy than others? Why do I constantly need reassurance? Why do I find it hard to trust my own choices? Why do I feel guilty when I choose myself? Why do I sometimes not even know who I am anymore? What is self-image? Your self-image is the picture you have of yourself. It consists of everything you believe about yourself. For example: Am I good enough? Am I smart? Am I worthy of love? Am I allowed to make mistakes? Am I important? Am I a good person? That image does not form on its own. It is built from everything you have experienced in your life. By your parents. By school. By friends. By compliments. By criticism. By the groups you belong to. Why does our brain do this? A child discovers who they are through the reactions of others. When a child often hears: "Well done." confidence grows. When a child instead often hears: "That needs to be better." "Jehovah is sad." "You must obey." "Be careful not to make wrong choices." the child may slowly begin to believe that love depends on performance or obedience. Our brain wants to belong. That is why children often absorb the messages of important adults as if they were facts. Examples from everyday life Someone makes a mistake at work. One person thinks: "Everyone makes mistakes." Another thinks: "See... I can never do anything right either." The event is the same. The difference lies in the self-image. Or someone gets a compliment. Some people simply say: "Thank you." Others immediately respond: "Oh, it’s nothing." That too often says something about how someone sees themselves. How can this happen within closed groups? In any close-knit group, group rules can influence self-image. When someone constantly learns that they are only valuable if they meet certain expectations, they may start connecting their worth to their behavior. Among (former) Jehovah's Witnesses, this can for example show up in thoughts such as: I am only good enough if I am obedient. Doubting makes me a bad person. My own feelings are not reliable. I have to think of others first. I am responsible for how others think of me. When someone leaves the group, those beliefs often do not disappear right away. Many people notice that they remain hard on themselves for years, even though they no longer believe the original teachings. That is not strange. A self-image that has been built up over many years usually changes step by step. What can you do with this? The good news is that self-image is not fixed. Our brain can keep learning. That means old beliefs can gradually change. It often starts with small questions. Not: "What is wrong with me?" But: "Where did I actually learn this?" Or: "Would I say this to a good friend too?" Looking at yourself more kindly more often is not a weakness. It is a way for your brain to gain new experiences. And it is precisely those new experiences that help build a healthier self-image. Questions to reflect on What words did I used to use to describe myself? What words would I choose now? Are those thoughts really my own? Or have I heard them from others for years? When do I feel valuable? What does my self-worth actually depend on? How would I see myself if I had grown up in a completely different environment? Which qualities do I genuinely appreciate in myself? How would I talk to myself if I used the same kindness I show a good friend? Summary A healthy self-image does not mean you think you are perfect. It means that you know you are allowed to make mistakes, that you are allowed to grow, and that your worth as a person does not depend on performance, approval, or belonging to a certain group. Self-image is not a destination. It is a story you tell yourself. And stories can change.