Relatable questions

- Does the person listen without judging?

- Is information handled confidentially?

- Are they interested in you too?

- Does the other person respect a “no”?

- Is the contact mutual?

Making new friends can feel exciting when a large part of your social life took place within the faith community. You may be used to friendships forming almost naturally, because you attended the same meetings, did the same activities, and shared the same beliefs.

Outside that setting, friendship often works differently. That doesn’t mean you’re not good at it. You may just need to rediscover how it works.

Don’t start with the pressure to find a best friend

When you’ve lost many contacts, the need for a close friendship can feel strong. As a result, every new encounter can feel like it has to become something special right away.

That puts a lot of pressure on both you and the other person.

Try first to look for:

  • someone you can have coffee with every now and then;

  • someone you share a hobby with;

  • a colleague you can have lunch with;

  • a neighbor you can go for a walk with;

  • someone you see regularly in the same place.

A close friendship may grow from that later on.

Choose places where you see people repeatedly

Friendship often grows from three things:

  1. regular contact;

  2. shared interests;

  3. trust that develops slowly.

A one-time event can be fun, but a recurring activity gives you a better chance of real connection.

Think of:

  • team sports or group classes;

  • volunteering;

  • board game nights;

  • walking or running groups;

  • language classes;

  • creative courses;

  • music groups;

  • neighborhood initiatives;

  • parent activities at school;

  • peer support meetings.

Choose something you already find somewhat interesting in itself. Then the activity is worthwhile even if a friendship doesn’t form right away.

Show interest, but don’t share everything immediately

When you haven’t had many safe people to talk to for a long time, it can be tempting to tell your whole story right away to someone new. That’s understandable, but it can feel vulnerable afterward.

Share personal information step by step. Pay attention to how the other person responds:

    Trust doesn’t have to be given immediately. It can be earned.

    Small invitations often work better

    You don’t need to make a big plan. For example, say:

    • “Shall we get coffee after class sometime?”

    • “I’m going for a walk on Saturday. Would you like to come along?”

    • “Shall we have lunch together sometime soon?”

    • “I enjoyed our conversation. Shall we exchange numbers?”

    A refusal does not automatically mean someone doesn’t like you. People may be busy, have different social habits, or already have many obligations.

    Try not to judge a friendship solely by how quickly someone responds.

    Learn to handle differences

    Within a closed community, many rules, norms, and beliefs can be shared. Outside that environment, you encounter people who think very differently.

    A healthy friendship does not require you to agree on everything. More important are:

    • mutual respect;

    • honesty;

    • reliability;

    • room for differences;

    • interest in one another;

    • freedom to set boundaries.

    You don’t have to convince anyone, and you don’t have to change yourself in order to be accepted.

    Online contact can be an in-between step

    Online peer support can help when you still feel unsure in social situations. You may find recognition, ask questions, and discover that you are not the only one.

    Do remain careful with personal details. Build trust gradually and arrange a first meeting in a public place.

    Don’t make rejection a judgment about yourself

    Not every contact grows into a friendship. That applies to everyone.

    It can hit especially hard when you’ve already been rejected by family or former friends. As a result, an unanswered message can feel like proof that nobody wants you.

    Try to see it more broadly: friendship is partly about timing, availability, and mutual chemistry. One contact says nothing definitive about your worth.

    In conclusion

    Making new friends is not a test you have to pass. It is a process of meeting, trying, feeling disappointed, trying again, and slowly discovering with whom you can be yourself.

    Start small. Choose regular places. Show interest. Give trust time.

    You don’t have to have a whole new social life right away. One safe contact is already a start.