Recognizable Questions

- Why did the congregation sometimes feel like my real family?

- Why did I trust people from my faith more easily than people outside it?

- Why did I sometimes find criticism from family or outsiders hard to take seriously?

- Why did it feel like people outside the faith couldn’t really understand me?

- Why could stepping away from the group feel like losing my whole life?

- Why did I keep believing certain warnings, even when people who loved me said something different?

This touches on group loyalty.

What is group loyalty?

Group loyalty means that people feel connected to the group they are part of and want to protect, support, or remain loyal to that group.

That is completely normal in itself.

People feel loyalty toward, for example:

  • their family;

  • friends;

  • a sports club;

  • a country;

  • a political movement;

  • a religious community.

We have a strong human need to belong somewhere. Psychological research shows that belonging affects our well-being, our emotions, and even how we process information.

belong somewhere
      ↓
connection
      ↓
trust
      ↓
loyalty
      ↓
the group becomes important
for how I see myself

The more central a group becomes in your life, the more intense it can feel when that group comes under question.

When the group becomes part of your identity

According to Henri Tajfel and John Turner’s Social Identity Theory, our self-image is not made up only of personal traits.

We also derive part of our identity from groups:

I am a mother.

I am Dutch.

I support this club.

I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Such a group identity can be strong and positive.

The group provides:

  • recognition;

  • social contact;

  • norms and values;

  • meaning;

  • a sense of security;

  • an answer to the question: where do I belong?

As a result, at some point it is no longer just about:

I believe what this group teaches.

but also about:

This is who I am.

MY GROUP
   ↓
my friends
my beliefs
my values
my future
my daily life
   ↓
MY IDENTITY

That helps explain why criticism of an important group can sometimes feel much more personal than criticism of a standalone idea.

The group as family

Religious communities often use family language:

brother

sister

spiritual family

That fits the way believers can genuinely experience their community.

Jehovah’s Witnesses also officially speak of a worldwide spiritual family of brothers and sisters.

For many members, that is not an empty phrase. They see the same people several times a week, go preaching together, attend meetings and conventions, help one another, and share the same beliefs and future hope.

As a result, very strong social bonds can form.

same faith
    +
a lot of time together
    +
same language
    +
same activities
    +
same view of the future
    ↓
strong group connectedness

That does not have to be artificial or manipulative at all.

People can genuinely experience a lot of love, support, and friendship within such a community.

Precisely because of that, losing that community later can hit so deeply.

Who do you trust?

Group loyalty does not only influence who we spend time with.

It can also influence who we see as credible.

Suppose:

A congregation member says:

“Be careful about that.”

A family member outside the faith says:

“I really don’t think you need to be afraid of that at all.”

Then you are not only judging the content of both statements.

Subconsciously, this may also play a role:

Who belongs to ‘us’?
      ↓
Who shares my values?
      ↓
Who understands our world?
      ↓
Who do I trust?

In general, people tend to trust group members more easily and judge them more positively.

This phenomenon occurs in religions, political parties, companies, countries, friend groups, and all kinds of other communities.

This ties in with ingroup thinking, which is covered in more detail in a separate article.

When someone from outside gives criticism

Strong group identity can explain why well-meant criticism sometimes backfires.

For example, a family member says:

“I’m worried about your faith.”

But someone who is strongly connected to their faith community may hear:

“Your faith is wrong.”

And underneath that even:

“The people you trust are wrong.”

“Your choices are wrong.”

“An important part of your identity is wrong.”

Then the conversation is no longer just about arguments.

It touches on belonging, loyalty, and identity.

criticism of the teaching
      ↓
can feel like
criticism of the group
      ↓
can feel like
criticism of my choices
      ↓
can feel like
criticism of me

As a result, someone may actually start defending the group even more strongly.

When beliefs become sacred

Some beliefs matter to people much more than ordinary opinions.

Psychologists use the term sacred values for this: values experienced as holy, morally absolute, or non-negotiable.

Compare:

“I think this music is better.”

with:

“This is what God asks of me.”

The second belief touches something far more fundamental.

If someone believes that loyalty to a particular belief is tied to obedience to God, good and evil, or ultimately even life and death, it can become especially difficult to examine that belief as merely an intellectual hypothesis.

Doubt may then mean more than:

Maybe I’m wrong.

It can feel like:

Am I being disloyal?

Am I disappointing God?

Who am I if this turns out not to be true?

Group loyalty among Jehovah’s Witnesses

Among Jehovah’s Witnesses, group belonging can be especially strong because many important parts of life take place within the same community:

FAITH
 +
FRIENDSHIPS
 +
MEETINGS
 +
PREACHING
 +
CHOICE OF PARTNER
 +
CELEBRATIONS AND SOCIAL LIFE
 +
VIEW OF THE FUTURE
        ↓
many areas of life
within the same group

The organization also encourages members to seek close friendships primarily with people who serve Jehovah and warns against close association that could negatively affect faith.

At the same time, fellow Witnesses are described as a worldwide family of brothers and sisters.

That combination can make the faith community the primary social environment for some members.

That does not mean every Jehovah’s Witness experiences the same degree of group loyalty.

Families, congregations, and individual experiences vary greatly.

Why leaving can mean much more than changing your mind

Suppose someone changes football clubs.

That can be upsetting.

But usually other parts of life remain intact.

With a tightly intertwined religious identity, many parts can change at the same time:

I have doubts about my faith
        ↓
What happens to my friends?
        ↓
What happens to my family?
        ↓
What happens to my view of the future?
        ↓
What happens to my place in the community?
        ↓
What happens to who I thought I was?

That is why someone can have rational doubts and still feel enormous resistance to leaving.

That is not necessarily a lack of intelligence or courage.

Socially and psychologically, much more is at stake than just the question:

Is this teaching true?

Loyalty can make independent thinking harder

Loyalty has many positive sides.

It makes people help and protect one another instead of abandoning each other at the first problem.

But that same loyalty can become complicated when loyalty to the group matters more than honestly examining what is happening.

A useful distinction is therefore:

HEALTHY LOYALTY

I feel connected to my group
AND
I am allowed to ask questions
AND
I am allowed to examine criticism
AND
I am allowed to disagree
AND
I remain personally responsible
for my judgment

versus:

UNHEALTHY LOYALTY

If I doubt,
I am disloyal.

If I examine criticism,
I betray the group.

If someone from outside
offers criticism,
I don’t need to listen.

My group decides
what I am allowed to examine safely.

So the difference is not whether or not there is loyalty.

The more important question is:

How much freedom do I still have within my loyalty?

From group loyalty to personal values

After leaving a close-knit community, the opposite reaction can arise.

At first, the starting point may have been:

What does the organization think about this?

Then it can become:

What do ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses think about this?

But a new group can also influence how you think.

True autonomy therefore does not mean that you no longer belong to any group.

It means that belonging and independent thinking can exist side by side.

NOT

no longer needing groups

BUT

being connected
      +
being allowed to ask questions
      +
comparing information
      +
choosing your own values
      +
taking responsibility for yourself

Questions to reflect on

- Which values of my group really fit me?

- Which beliefs have I examined for myself?

- Which people do I automatically trust because they belong to my group?

- Can I love people who think differently from me?

- Do I feel free to ask critical questions?

- Do I dare to look at information from different sides?

- Can I acknowledge that my group may be wrong about something without feeling threatened myself?

- Can I belong to a group without losing my own judgment?

- Who am I when I set aside my group labels for a moment?

In summary

People want to belong somewhere.

Belonging can provide:
love
security
identity
meaning
support

But the more important a group
becomes to your identity,
the harder it can be to step back
or examine criticism.

Healthy belonging does not ask:
‘Choose between the group and yourself.’

It leaves room for both:
belonging and autonomy.

Sources

  • Henri Tajfel & John Turner — An Integrative Theory of Intergroup Conflict, 1979.

  • Roy F. Baumeister & Mark R. Leary — The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation, Psychological Bulletin, 1995.

  • Muzafer Sherif et al. — Intergroup Conflict and Cooperation: The Robbers Cave Experiment, 1961.

  • Scott Atran & Jeremy Ginges — research on sacred values, group identity and moral convictions.

  • Jehovah’s Witnesses — Draw Close to Your Spiritual Family, Watchtower, 2021.

  • Jehovah’s Witnesses — Watch Your Associations in These Last Days, Watchtower, 2015.