If you’re doubting: who can you safely talk to?

Recognizable questions

- Can I safely talk to an elder about my doubts?

- What happens if I ask questions about the Governing Body?

- How do I tell my partner that I’m doubting without causing panic right away?

- When is it wise to talk to a GP or psychologist?

- Is someone outside the congregation automatically independent?

- How do I know whether someone is helping me think things through or is pushing me in a certain direction?

- Do I need to know now whether I want to stay or leave?

Doubts can be unsettling. Especially when you have spent years believing that within Jehovah's organization you would find spiritual safety.
Maybe you have questions about a doctrine. Maybe you don’t understand a change in the ‘new light’. Maybe you struggle with the Governing Body, disfellowshipping, or another rule. Or maybe you don’t even know exactly why you are doubting. You just feel that certain questions keep coming back.
Then another question arises:

Who can I talk to about this?

That matters, because not every conversation partner has the same role. An elder, partner, friend, GP, and psychologist all listen from a different background and with different responsibilities.

Doubt is not yet a decision

You do not have to know today whether you want to remain one of Jehovah's Witnesses. You also do not have to know whether you want to leave.
Asking a question is not the same as making a decision. Doubt can simply mean you are trying to understand how your beliefs relate to new information, experiences, or feelings.
You are allowed to take time for that.

Talking to an elder

For many Jehovah's Witnesses, an elder is the obvious person to talk to. Elders have a spiritual and shepherding role within the congregation.
An elder may know you, understand your faith, and genuinely care about you. But it is good to be aware of his role.
An elder is not an independent counselor. He is himself one of Jehovah's Witnesses and carries out a role within the religious organization that you may have questions about.
According to JW.org, the Governing Body is the ‘faithful and discreet slave’ that, according to Jehovah's Witnesses' explanation, was appointed by Jesus. Through that arrangement, spiritual direction is provided, including through publications, videos, meetings, circuit assemblies, and conventions.
That does not mean an elder cannot listen well to you. It does mean that he looks at questions of faith from the same belief system you may be questioning.
That is why it can help to ask yourself in advance:

Am I looking for spiritual guidance within my faith, or for someone with whom I can freely explore different possible answers?

Both needs are understandable, but they are not the same.

May you ask questions about the Governing Body?

This can be a particularly difficult step.
If you believe Jehovah guides through the Governing Body, criticism of a decision or doctrine can quickly feel as though you are not only questioning people, but Jehovah himself.
Jehovah's Witnesses’ official explanation draws a strong connection between Jesus’ direction and the ‘faithful and discreet slave,’ identified with the Governing Body.
That is why an important personal question may be:

Can I distinguish between my faith in Jehovah and my trust in human religious direction?

You do not need to answer that question immediately.

Talking to your partner

Your partner may be the one you normally share everything with. But doubts about faith can be especially sensitive within a relationship.
When your partner is a fully convinced Jehovah's Witness, he or she may hear something different from what you are trying to say.
You may say:

‘I have a few questions.’

Your partner may feel:

‘What if my partner leaves Jehovah?’

Fear, grief, and uncertainty may lie behind that.
So you do not have to lay out all your thoughts in one conversation. You can also start by saying what you feel and make clear that you have not made a decision yet.
For example:

‘I’m trying to work things out for myself right now. I’m not asking you to think the same way I do. I’d just like you to listen to me.’

Talking to someone outside the congregation

Sometimes it is easier to first speak with someone who is not personally dependent on the outcome of your faith questions.
That could be a friend, family member, or someone with lived experience.
But being independent does not automatically mean someone is a good conversation partner.
Someone who immediately says:

‘You need to get out of there as soon as possible.’

It ultimately leaves you little room to come to your own conclusion.
Maybe right now you don’t need someone telling you what you should believe.
Maybe you need someone who can listen calmly while you discover what you believe.

Talking to your GP

Sometimes questions of faith are not just thoughts.
Maybe you’re sleeping poorly, constantly tense, afraid of losing family, or struggling to concentrate. Maybe anxiety, low mood, or panic is affecting your daily life.
Then you can also go to your GP.
You don’t first need to know whether what you’re experiencing is called “religious trauma.” You can simply say, for example:

“I’m questioning my faith and I’m afraid I’ll lose my family, friends, and social network if I make different choices.”

That already tells a GP a lot about the situation you’re in.

Talking to a psychologist or therapist

A professional helper has a different role than an elder.
The starting point of good independent support should not be:

you must remain one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

But neither should it be:

you must leave Jehovah's Witnesses.

You should be given space to explore your thoughts, emotions, identity, relationships, and choices.
For someone who is or has been one of Jehovah's Witnesses, it can be helpful when a helper understands what terms like disfellowshipping, shunning, Armageddon fear, guilt, loyalty conflicts, and loss of community can mean.
At ExJW.World, we are therefore building information about professional help and helpers who have experience with or an affinity for religious trauma, faith-related issues, and closed or close-knit faith communities.

What do you need right now?

Maybe, in the end, this is more important than the question who should I talk to?
First ask yourself:

What am I looking for in this conversation?

Do you want spiritual support because you want to remain one of Jehovah's Witnesses and strengthen your faith? Then an elder may be a suitable person to talk to.
Do you want to be able to explore:

What do I actually believe myself?
What if a certain teaching is not right?
What if the Governing Body can be wrong?
What if I still want to believe in Jehovah, but think differently about the organization?
What would I choose if I didn’t have to be afraid of the consequences?

Then it may be helpful to also speak with someone who is not tied to the outcome of your faith choice.
And of course, you can also talk to different people.

Five questions before you confide in someone

Do I feel safe enough to honestly say what I think?
Do I know what can happen to personal information from this conversation?
Does this person, because of their role or beliefs, prefer a particular outcome?
Am I truly allowed to explore different conclusions with this person?
After the conversation, do I feel more room to think for myself, or more fear of asking certain questions?

The answer may be different for each person you talk to.

You don’t have to decide anything today

Having doubts does not automatically mean you are leaving Jehovah. Talking does not mean you have to leave. Looking into information does not mean you have to believe everything you read.
You may ask questions. You may speak to different people. You may compare sources. You may come back to something later.
And in the end, you may also conclude that you want to remain one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

A choice that is allowed to be examined can ultimately become a more conscious choice.