S - Social exclusion as a means of control

S - SOCIAL EXCLUSION AS A MEANS OF CONTROL When the fear of losing a group starts to influence your choices RECOGNIZABLE QUESTIONS Have you ever thought: Why is it so difficult to say goodbye to a faith community? Why do some people feel forced to stay, while they are actually doubting? Why does the prospect of losing family and friends hurt so much? Why does it feel as if you have to choose between yourself and the people you love? Why do some people avoid contact with former members? Why does it feel as if you are losing not only a faith, but also your entire social life? And why can the fear of exclusion have such a strong influence on human behavior? This touches on social exclusion . WHAT IS SOCIAL EXCLUSION? Social exclusion means that someone is placed wholly or partly outside a group. This can happen because someone is no longer invited, is ignored, or because contact is deliberately limited or broken off. Social exclusion occurs in all kinds of situations: at school; within families; at work; in groups of friends; in sports clubs; in political movements; and also within some religious communities. Not every form of distancing is the same. Sometimes people choose it themselves, sometimes it happens at the initiative of a group, and sometimes it is a combination of both. WHY DOES THIS AFFECT US SO MUCH? People are social beings. We have a deep need for connection. Psychologist Kipling Williams , who spent years researching ostracism (social exclusion), showed that exclusion can affect four fundamental human needs: belonging; self-esteem; control; the feeling that you matter. When the people you love are the ones who distance themselves, it can be one of the most painful experiences a person goes through. Research shows that prolonged social exclusion can be associated with depressive symptoms, anxiety, loneliness, and reduced psychological well-being. This does not mean that everyone experiences these effects, but the risk increases when the exclusion is long-lasting and comes from important relationships. WHY IS SOCIAL EXCLUSION SOMETIMES USED? Throughout history, groups have developed rules to protect their identity and cohesion. Sometimes this happens through: shared norms; rituals; clothing; language; or by distancing themselves from behavior seen as harmful to the group. Within some religious communities, limiting contact with former members can also be part of the doctrine. From the community's perspective, this is often seen as loyalty to God, protection of the faith, or a way to preserve the unity of the group. From the perspective of the person being excluded, the same situation can feel like a profound personal loss. Both perspectives exist side by side. HOW CAN THIS BE RECOGNIZED WITHIN JEHOVAH'S GETUIGEN? Jehovah's Getuigen teach that loyalty to Jehovah and to Biblical standards is important. Within the official doctrine, there is also talk of limiting or avoiding contact with people who have been disfellowshipped or who have deliberately distanced themselves from the faith, except in certain necessary situations. Many believers follow this guideline because they sincerely believe that this is God's will. Some former Jehovah's Getuigen, however, describe experiencing the social consequences of this as very far-reaching. For them, it felt as if they were not only leaving a faith, but also: their family; their friends; their community; and sometimes losing their entire social identity. WHY IS CONTACT WITH FORMER MEMBERS SOMETIMES DIFFICULT? Within the doctrine, there is a warning that someone can suffer spiritual harm through bad influences. As a result, some believers may experience contact with former members as a risk to their own faith. Psychologically, that is understandable. When someone is deeply convinced that certain information or contacts can damage their relationship with God, they will often be careful with them. That does not mean that someone no longer feels love for a family member. Many Jehovah's Getuigen actually experience sorrow when a family member leaves the organization. The distance often arises from a sincere conviction that they are thereby obeying God. That is precisely why this situation is often painful for both sides. THE FEAR OF LOSING EVERYTHING YOURSELF Social exclusion has another psychological effect. When people see that someone loses many contacts after leaving, it can strengthen the fear of one day experiencing the same consequences themselves. Psychologists sometimes call this a deterrent or norm-reinforcing effect. It shows what consequences may be linked to violating group norms. That does not mean every group consciously uses this as a means of control. But research shows that the possibility of social exclusion can have a powerful influence on human behavior. "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY FAMILY" For many people, this may be the hardest consideration of all. Not the question: "What do I believe?" But: "What do I lose if I am honest about what I believe?" When faith, family, friends, and identity are strongly intertwined, any change can seem to have enormous consequences. As a result, some people stay in a community longer than they actually would like to. Not necessarily because they are fully convinced. But because the social cost of leaving feels too great. That does not need to be judged. It mainly shows how important belonging is to people. WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH IT? When you notice that fear of social consequences plays a role, try to distinguish between two questions: What do I believe? and What am I afraid of if I am honest about what I believe? Those are different questions. It can help to examine them separately. Some people discover that they are mainly afraid of losing relationships. Others discover that they actually have substantive doubts. And still others experience both at the same time. That is very human. QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT What role does belonging play in my choices? Would I hold the same conviction if there were no social consequences attached to it? What am I most afraid of: being wrong, or losing people? Can love for family continue to exist even when beliefs differ? Which relationships feel safe enough to be honest in? Which new people give me the feeling that I belong? What does it mean to be true to myself? SUMMARY Social exclusion is much more than simply having less contact. Research shows that prolonged exclusion can affect fundamental human needs for belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaning. Within some religious communities, limiting contact with former members can be part of the doctrine. Many believers follow these guidelines out of sincere religious conviction. At the same time, many former members describe experiencing the social consequences as particularly severe. That is why it is important to understand both perspectives. Not to judge anyone. But to better understand how great the influence of belonging can be on human choices. SCIENTIFIC SOURCES Kipling D. Williams – Ostracism: The Power of Silence Williams is considered the leading authority on social exclusion. His research shows that ostracism can threaten fundamental needs for belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaning. Williams, K. D. (2007). Ostracism. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 425–452. A comprehensive review article on the psychological consequences of social exclusion. Baumeister, R. F. & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong An influential article describing that the need to belong is a fundamental human motivation. Research on former Jehovah's Getuigen Small qualitative studies describe that some former Jehovah's Getuigen experience feelings of grief, identity loss, loneliness, and reduced psychological well-being after leaving. These findings cannot simply be applied to everyone, but they do show that this topic is being studied scientifically.