S - Social influence

How do other people influence our choices without there needing to be any coercion?

Recognizable questions

- What is social influence?

- Why do people adapt their behavior to the group?

- Is influence the same as manipulation?

- Why can a compliment have so much influence?

- Why do you sometimes do something because ‘everyone does it that way’?

- Can you choose for yourself and still be strongly influenced by others?

- What happens when deviant behavior can lead to disapproval?

- Why does a choice feel different when your family, friends, or community value it highly?

- Can you recognize social influence while you are in the middle of it?

- And how do you later discover which choices really suit you?

What is social influence?

Social influence is the way other people affect what we think, feel, and do.
That can happen very directly:
‘You have to do this.’
But often the influence is much more subtle.
We look at what others consider normal. We notice which behavior gets approval. We pay attention to reactions, facial expressions, compliments, silence, criticism, and expectations.
No one has to order us to do anything.
Just the awareness:
‘The people who matter to me think this is good’
can already affect a choice.

Social influence is normal

Social influence is not automatically wrong.
People are social beings. We learn from parents, friends, teachers, colleagues, and the groups we belong to.
A child learns from others how to greet someone, what is polite, how to cooperate, and which rules matter.
An adult also looks to others when he or she is not sure what is normal or wise.
Without social influence, living together would hardly be possible.
The relevant question is therefore usually not:
‘Am I being influenced?’
Because we all are.
More interesting is:

‘How am I being influenced, how much room do I feel I have to choose differently, and what happens if I do?’

Influence is not the same as coercion

In coercion, someone is forced or seriously threatened into showing certain behavior.
Social influence can be much subtler.
Someone may technically be fully able to say no and at the same time feel:
‘If I say no, I’ll disappoint everyone.’
or:
‘Then people will look at me differently.’
The choice still exists.
But the social cost of one of the options can feel heavier.
That is why these two statements can be true at the same time:
‘I made the choice myself.’
and:
‘My environment strongly influenced what felt like the right choice for me.’

Normative social influence

An important form is normative social influence.
In this case, people adapt because they want to be accepted or want to avoid rejection.
You do not necessarily agree with the group on the substance.
You still go along because belonging matters.
A simple example:
everyone in a group of friends dresses in a certain way. No one forces the newcomer to wear the same thing. Yet he may slowly adjust his clothing because he does not want to stand out all the time.
The social message is not:
‘This is required.’
but rather:
‘This is how we do things here.’

Informational social influence

Another form is informational social influence.
Here we look to other people because we think they probably know better.
If you are in an unfamiliar situation and everyone suddenly runs toward one exit, it makes sense to think:
‘They must know what is going on.’
Within a group, the same can happen with more complex topics.
Someone thinks:
‘These people have much more experience with this.’
‘Everyone I trust sees it this way.’
‘Why would I be the only one misunderstanding it?’
Then someone adopts information or conclusions from others because he sees their judgment as reliable.

Sometimes both work at the same time

Normative and informational influence can overlap.
You may think:
‘My parents truly believe this, so it is probably true.’
and at the same time:
‘But I also don’t want to disappoint them.’
Then the choice is about both truth and connection.
Especially when important people share the same belief, those two can be hard to separate.

Conformity

When someone adjusts their behavior or opinions to fit a group, this is often called conformity.
The classic experiments by psychologist Solomon Asch showed that people sometimes go along with a clearly wrong answer when several other group members give the same answer.
Not everyone did so.
But the research did show that a unanimous group can have a remarkably strong influence.
What matters here is that people are not necessarily stupid or gullible.
The social situation itself can raise doubt:
‘Am I missing something?’
‘Why is everyone saying something different from me?’
‘Am I the one who’s wrong?’

A group doesn’t have to say anything

Social norms often work without explicit words.
You look around.
Who gets compliments?
Who is held up as an example?
Who is given responsibility?
Who is seen as spiritual, professional, successful, attractive, or loyal?
And who gets criticism, silence, or distance?
From that, people quickly learn which behavior is desired within a group.
That is how a norm can arise without anyone ever literally saying:
‘You have to do this.’

Positive reinforcement

Compliments can be a powerful social influence.
A child does something and gets a warm response:
‘Well done!’
‘We’re so proud of you.’
‘It’s great that you want to do this.’
There is nothing wrong with that in itself.
Positive reinforcement helps people learn and motivates them.
But repeated reinforcement also makes it clear which direction the environment values.
As a result, a child or adult may begin to think:
‘Apparently this is who I’m supposed to be.’

Disapproval doesn’t have to be harsh

Disapproval also does not have to be stated explicitly.
A silence.
A concerned look.
A conversation that suddenly becomes awkward.
Less enthusiasm.
A question like:
‘Are you sure that’s wise?’
can be enough to make someone feel that a choice falls outside the norm.
Precisely subtle signals can be very powerful, because the person giving them may think:
‘I haven’t forbidden anything, have I?’
while the person receiving them clearly experiences:
‘This is not the choice they’re hoping I’ll make.’

The need to belong

Why does social influence work so strongly?
An important reason is that people have a fundamental need for belonging.
Belonging means safety, support, recognition, and identity.
For a child, this is especially strong. They depend on parents and other adults for love, care, and safety.
But adults also need relationships and groups.
That is why:
‘Everyone will still love me, whatever choice I make’
can feel psychologically very different from:
‘I’m allowed to choose differently, but I don’t know what that will do to my relationships.’

Social influence within families

Families are one of the first places where social influence takes place.
Children learn:
what is normal, what is good, which people are safe, which beliefs matter, and which behavior gets appreciation.
That happens in religious and non-religious families alike.
A family in which everyone is fanatical about football influences a child.
A politically active family influences a child.
A religious family does as well.
That is why it is not useful to treat social influence in religion alone as suspicious.
The interesting question is:

‘How much room does someone later get to re-examine the family’s norms?’

Social influence among Jehovah’s Witnesses

Among Jehovah’s Witnesses, social influence can work from several directions at once.
A child or adult may be situated between:
parents, brothers and sisters, friends, elders, meetings, publications, videos, conventions, and other congregation members.
Many of those people share the same beliefs.
That can create a strong sense of community and clarity.
Someone does not have to keep figuring out on their own what their surroundings think about a topic. The group provides a lot of shared norms and language.
At the same time, such an environment means that one religious direction can be reinforced by many important people all at once.

‘It’s great that you’re making spiritual progress’

Suppose a young person gives an answer at the meeting, goes in the ministry, becomes an unbaptized publisher, or shows interest in baptism.
Parents may be proud.
Elders may compliment him.
Congregation members respond enthusiastically.
That doesn’t have to be manipulation.
They may truly be happy because they believe the young person is making a good choice.
But for the young person, information is being conveyed:
‘This direction makes the people I love very happy.’
When he later starts to doubt, another question may come with it:
‘What happens when I go in the other direction?’

The direction of compliments

Social influence sometimes becomes clearer when you look at which choices get applause.
A young person who says:
‘I want to get baptized’
may get lots of positive reactions.
A young person who says:
‘I want to first investigate whether I even believe this is the truth’
may provoke a very different response.
That does not automatically mean the second young person is being forced.
But it does show that both choices do not necessarily carry the same social weight.
An environment may say:
‘You have to choose for yourself’
and at the same time make it very clear which choice it hopes someone will make.

Social influence and free will

That is where social influence touches on free will.
A choice does not automatically become unfree just because others influence it.
That would mean that virtually no human decision is free.
Perhaps the better question is:
‘Can I recognize the influence on me and still genuinely allow a different conclusion?’
Can someone:
ask questions, doubt, compare information, change their mind, and ultimately choose something their environment had not hoped for?
The safer that can be, the greater the experienced freedom of choice will usually be.

Also read: V - Free will - How free does a choice feel when different outcomes can have major social consequences?

Social influence and group identity

A group does not only provide rules.
It can also answer the question:
‘Who am I?’
People may see themselves as:
Christian, Jehovah’s Witness, activist, doctor, football fan, Dutch, musician, or a member of a particular family.
When group membership becomes part of identity, criticism of the group can feel more personal.
Then it is no longer just about:
‘This person thinks differently about my faith.’
but possibly:
‘This person is criticizing something that is part of who I am.’
That can explain why group differences can become emotional.

‘Everyone thinks this’

A special effect arises when someone thinks that almost everyone in the group has the same opinion.
Several people may be doubting individually.
But no one says it.
Everyone looks around and sees only others who agree.
Then every doubter may conclude:
‘Apparently I’m the only one.’
While several others may be thinking exactly the same thing.
This relates to what in social psychology is called pluralistic ignorance: people underestimate how many others share their private doubts or uncertainty because the group’s public behavior shows something else.

Why one dissenting voice can make a difference

Research into conformity also shows something hopeful.
When even one other person deviates from the majority, the pressure to go along with the group can drop sharply.
Why?
Because someone no longer thinks:
‘Everyone except me sees it differently.’
Suddenly there is room for:
‘Apparently I’m not the only one who has doubts.’
That helps explain why meeting someone with a different experience or opinion can sometimes change so much.
Not because that other person is automatically right.
But because the social situation changes.

Social influence is everywhere, not just in religion

It is important not to treat this as a solely religious mechanism.
Social media influence what is seen as attractive.
Friend groups influence alcohol use, fashion, and language.
Work cultures influence how much overtime seems normal.
Political groups influence which information people trust.
Families influence partner choice, education, and career.
Even people who see themselves as highly independent are influenced by social norms.
The challenge is therefore not:
‘How do I make sure I’m never influenced again?’
but rather:
‘How do I recognize influence so I can deal with it more consciously?’

When influence becomes group pressure

Social influence can turn into group pressure.
That happens sooner when a certain choice becomes linked to clear social costs.
For example:
loss of appreciation
shame
loss of status
gossip
rejection
loss of relationships
or:
exclusion.
The boundary is not always sharp.
What one person experiences as:
‘They were just giving their opinion’
another may experience as:
‘I knew exactly what would happen if I chose differently.’
That is why not only the intention of the person exerting influence is relevant.
The position and dependence of the person receiving the influence also matter.

A child and an adult are not equal

An adult can usually leave a group and seek other relationships, though that can still be difficult.
A child is more dependent.
Parents provide housing, food, love, protection, affirmation, and identity.
That is why parental approval carries a different weight for a child than the opinion of a random acquaintance.
That does not mean parents may not pass on their beliefs.
It does mean that:
‘The child can choose for themselves’
does not automatically answer the question:
‘How free does that choice feel to the child?’

When the group determines your information

Social influence also works through information.
People often trust sources that those around them consider trustworthy.
That is practical: no one can personally research every topic in depth.
But it can become problematic when one group almost entirely determines:
which sources are trustworthy, which sources are suspicious, and which questions can safely be asked.
Then informational influence and normative influence can overlap.
You do not only think:
‘This source is probably unreliable.’
but possibly also:
‘If I look into this source, that says something about my loyalty.’

Social influence and ‘the truth’

When a belief within a community is consistently called ‘the truth’, that is also socially relevant.
Then someone is not only asking:
‘Is my belief true?’
but possibly:
‘Do I dare investigate whether the truth might not be true?’
Language can therefore shape the context in which a choice is made.
That does not mean something becomes false because a group calls it the truth.
It only means that the words a group uses can influence how possibilities are felt emotionally.

The influence of reputation

In close-knit communities, reputation can be extra important.
People know who is active, who has a lot of responsibility, who is seen as spiritual, and who raises concerns.
As a result, someone may ask themselves:
‘What does this choice say about me?’
Not only:
‘Do I think this is wrong?’
but:
‘Will others think less of me spiritually because of this?’
When reputation affects roles, friendships, or trust, the social meaning of a small choice can become large.

Social influence and self-censorship

When someone expects that openly deviating will have negative consequences, they may start to censor themselves.
They do not say what they really think.
They do not post a photo.
They do not tell everything about their relationship.
They laugh along while actually doubting.
No one has to explicitly silence them.
The expected reaction of the group can be enough.

Also read in A-Z Encyclopedia of Psychology: Z - Self-censorship - What happens when you do not show parts of yourself because being visible can cost you?

Social influence and ostracism

One of the most powerful possible social consequences is exclusion.
In psychology this is called ostracism.
People have a strong need for belonging. When deviating behavior or a different belief may lead to the loss of important relationships, the expectation alone can influence choices.
That is why exclusion does not even have to have happened yet to matter.
Someone may think:
‘What will happen to my family if I say this?’
That expectation may already be enough to keep quiet or go along.

Also read in A-Z Encyclopedia of Psychology: O - Ostracism - What does prolonged social exclusion do to a person?

‘I really chose it myself’

That can be completely true.
Social influence does not mean a choice is fake.
A young person may truly want to get baptized.
An adult may sincerely choose a certain lifestyle.
A person may genuinely believe what everyone around them also believes.
That is why this statement is important:

Genuine choice and social influence do not exclude each other.

You can genuinely want something and still be shaped by the people, language, rewards, and expectations around you.
The interesting follow-up question is:
‘How did what I wanted come about in the first place?’

Internalization: when the group is no longer needed

Social influence can eventually internalize.
Then you no longer have to think:
‘What will others think of it?’
The norm now feels like your own inner norm.
That happens with all kinds of values.
A child learns to be honest because parents say so. Later, they themselves think lying is wrong.
That is normal development.
But it can become complicated when someone later changes their belief while the emotional reaction remains.
Then someone may think:
‘I don’t believe this rule anymore, but why do I still feel guilty?’
The social norm has then become part of the person’s own conscience.

When you leave the group

Social influence does not always stop the moment someone physically leaves a group.
A former group member may still think for years:
‘What would they think of this?’
Maybe they see someone from their former community and automatically adjust their behavior.
Maybe they feel guilty about something they no longer rationally see as wrong.
Maybe they still hear the old words in their thoughts.
That does not mean someone can never become free.
It shows that social norms sometimes stay with us longer than membership in the group itself.

The other trap: automatically doing the opposite

Becoming free from group influence does not automatically mean doing the opposite of everything.
If you used to do A because the group wanted A and now you always do B because the group wanted A, the group is still determining your choice.
Only in reverse.
More autonomy can mean:
‘I examine A and B again and then choose what truly fits my values.’
Maybe you keep A.
Maybe you choose B.
Maybe something completely different.
Freedom is not defined by how different your choice is from the group’s.

How do you recognize social influence?

You might ask yourself, for example:
Would I make the same choice if no one ever knew what I chose?
Would I think the same if everyone around me held the opposite opinion?
What reactions do I expect when I choose differently?
Whose approval do I want most?
Which people do I automatically see as a reliable source?
What information am I afraid to look at because of what I might discover?
None of these questions proves that your current choice is wrong.
They simply make the influences more visible.

Multiple groups can actually increase freedom

One way social influence can become less all-determining is by having contact with different people and perspectives.
When all your family, friends, coworkers, and social activities are within one group, that group carries a lot of social weight.
When someone has multiple networks, there is often more room.
Not because those other groups have no influence.
But because no single group automatically becomes the whole social universe.
You can hear different ideas and compare them for yourself in the end.

Critical thinking does not mean distrusting everyone

Dealing consciously with social influence does not mean:
‘No one can be trusted.’
Experts, parents, friends, and groups can also provide valuable information.
Critical thinking is more like:
‘I listen to others, but I also try to understand why I believe them.’
What arguments do they give?
Can other sources be checked?
Can criticism exist?
Can they be wrong?
And do I apply the same critical standard to information I agree with as to information I do not want to believe?

When social influence becomes support

Social influence can also be very positive.
A friend encourages you to seek professional help.
A sports group motivates you to exercise.
A family supports someone who is quitting smoking.
A community helps someone after a loss.
Good social influence can make people stronger.
That is why the goal is not to eliminate social influence.
It is about an environment in which connection goes together with enough room for:
questions, difference, change, and your own judgment.

When does social influence become problematic?

That cannot be determined with one rule.
But questions can help:
Am I allowed to disagree without losing my place?
Can I make mistakes without my identity being rejected?
Can I examine information that contradicts the group?
Can I make important choices without love depending on my answer?
Can I change my mind without people automatically seeing me as bad or dangerous?
The less room there is for that, the more social influence can be experienced as pressure.

For reflection

Which groups have shaped my thinking the most?
Which beliefs did I inherit from home?
For which choices did I used to receive a lot of praise?
Which choices caused disappointment or concern?
When was the last time I did something because ‘everyone was doing it’?
Do I dare to voice a dissenting opinion out loud?
What do I think will happen when I disagree with people who are important to me?
What role does my need to belong play?
Which people do I automatically see as trustworthy, and why?
What information do I avoid?
Would I make the same choice if no one ever knew what I had chosen?
Would I hold the same convictions if I had grown up in a completely different family or country?
Does being influenced mean my conviction isn’t really mine, or can it be both genuine and shaped by others?
Can I respect someone and still conclude that they are wrong?
Do I have different people around me with whom I’m allowed to think differently?
Which beliefs do I want to deliberately keep after examining them again?

In conclusion

Social influence is everywhere.
We learn from one another, seek approval, trust people we value, and use the group as a source of information.
That does not make us weak.
It makes us human.
So the question is not whether we are influenced by others.
The more important question is what happens when our own conclusion differs from the group.
Can we still ask questions then?
Can we doubt?
Can we examine information?
Can we say no?
Can others be disappointed without our bond disappearing?
And can we ultimately arrive at the same belief again without that outcome having felt socially necessary in advance?
Social influence never disappears completely.
Autonomy therefore probably does not mean:
‘No one influences me.’
It more likely means:
‘I learn to recognize who and what influences me, so that I can more consciously decide which influence I want to follow.’

‘Do I choose this because I truly believe and want it — or is what I expect to gain, keep, or lose when I choose differently also a factor?’

Sources

Solomon E. Asch - Opinions and Social Pressure; research into conformity
Morton Deutsch & Harold B. Gerard - A Study of Normative and Informational Social Influences Upon Individual Judgment
Herbert C. Kelman - Compliance, Identification, and Internalization: Three Processes of Attitude Change
Robert B. Cialdini & Noah J. Goldstein - Social Influence: Compliance and Conformity
Henri Tajfel & John Turner - Social Identity Theory
Roy F. Baumeister & Mark R. Leary - The Need to Belong
Kipling D. Williams - research into ostracism and social exclusion
American Psychological Association - information on social psychology, conformity, group influence, and decision-making