Recognizable questions
- Why do I keep replaying the same conversation, the same mistake, or the same event over and over?
- Why does thinking feel useful when I’m actually not getting anywhere?
- How do I know whether I’m solving something or just going over it in circles?
- Why do questions like “why?”
- and “what if?”
- keep coming back, especially?
- Can rumination make guilt, anger, or sadness feel stronger for longer?
- Why is it sometimes so hard to let go of a thought, even when I know I’m not getting a new answer?
- What can I do when my mind keeps going even though there’s nothing left to solve?
What is rumination?
Rumination means repeatedly and often for long periods thinking about negative experiences, feelings, causes, or consequences without it producing enough new information or a concrete solution.
In Dutch, it is often translated as worrying, although the terms are not always used exactly the same way in research. Worrying often focuses more strongly on possible future problems, while rumination often revolves around events, emotions, and questions from the past or present.
RUMINATION
What happened?
Why did this happen?
Why did I do that?
What does this say about me?
What if I...
↓
the same questions
keep coming back
↓
little new informationNot every repeated line of thought is rumination. Sometimes something simply has to be looked at several times before it becomes clear.
Rumination is not the same as thinking things through
Purposeful thinking usually has a direction.
PROBLEM SOLVING
What is the problem?
↓
What information is missing?
↓
What options are there?
↓
What is my next step?Rumination looks more like this:
RUMINATION
Why did this happen?
↓
but why?
↓
what should I have done?
↓
what if...
↓
back to the startSo the main difference is not how much you think, but whether the thinking is moving toward something.
Why does rumination still feel useful?
Rumination often feels as if you are actively dealing with a problem.
You may be trying to understand what happened, prevent a mistake, find an explanation, or get a grip on something painful.
That makes it tempting to go through the story one more time.
something feels
unfinished or unclear
↓
I think about it again
↓
feeling:
‘maybe I’ll find
the answer now’
↓
temporary sense
of controlBut when no new information is available, the same thought process can keep repeating without the problem actually changing.
Our brain wants to make sense of unfinished situations
People try to organize events and give them meaning.
That is useful in itself.
After a conflict, for example, you might think:
What happened? What was my part in it? What do I want to do differently next time?
That can lead to insight.
But when the question changes into:
Why did I say that? Why am I like this? Why does this always happen to me? What if I had said something different then?
the thinking can become more and more abstract and harder to resolve.
Abstract questions can fuel overthinking
There is a difference between questions like:
‘Why am I always like this?’
and:
‘What exactly happened in that conversation, and what can I do differently next time?’
ABSTRACT
‘Why am I like this?’
↓
many possible answers
little concrete action
CONCRETE
‘What did I do then
and what do I want to
try next time?’
↓
greater chance of
a next stepThat does not mean why-questions are off limits. But when they keep coming back endlessly without new information, a more concrete question may be more helpful.
An example from everyday life
After an argument, you lie in bed replaying every line.
‘Why did she say that?’
‘I should have answered this way.’
‘Maybe she actually meant...’
‘What if I had just kept my mouth shut?’
After two hours, you’ve gone through dozens of versions of the same conversation, but you still know no more than you did at the start.
argument
↓
replay the conversation
↓
come up with a new version
↓
even more doubt
↓
replay the conversation againThat is typical of rumination: a lot of mental activity, but little movement.
Rumination can keep emotions going
When you keep returning to a painful event, the associated emotion gets activated again and again.
That can include:
sadness;
anger;
guilt;
shame;
fear;
helplessness.
painful memory
↓
keeps thinking about it
↓
emotion is reactivated
↓
greater need
to think about itThis can create a cycle in which the emotion feeds the thinking and the thinking feeds the emotion.
Rumination is not the same as processing
People sometimes say:
‘I just need to think about it some more to process it.’
Sometimes that’s true. Reflection can be important.
But processing does not automatically grow the longer you repeat the same story.
PROCESSING
understanding
feeling
making meaning
sharing
accepting
acting
RUMINATION
repeating
analyzing
rewinding
repeating againThe two can look alike, but the result is different.
Rumination and self-reflection
Self-reflection can ask:
‘Why did I react like that?’
But healthy reflection stays curious and can end with:
‘I understand something better now, and I want to do something with that.’
Rumination more easily gets stuck in:
‘Why did I do this? Why am I like this? Why do I never manage it?’
SELF-REFLECTION
↓
insight
↓
choice or acceptance
RUMINATION
↓
more analysis
↓
more analysis
↓
no clear way outRumination and guilt
Guilt can keep the mind tightly stuck.
For example, someone thinks:
‘If I had handled that conversation differently, everything might have turned out differently.’
Then:
‘Maybe everything was my fault.’
And then:
‘But what should I have done then?’
It can help to distinguish between:
CAN I FIX SOMETHING?
YES
→ choose a concrete step
NO
→ then the same
analysis may no longer
produce a new solutionThat does not mean you should suppress the feeling right away. It does mean that thinking and solving are not the same thing.
Rumination after major life changes
After a divorce, dismissal, illness, loss, or a change in identity, thoughts can keep coming back for a long time.
That does not have to be a problem right away.
The brain is trying to make sense of a major change.
For example:
‘How could this have happened?’
‘Who am I now?’
‘Should I have done something different?’
‘What does this mean for my future?’
When such questions slowly lead to new insights, they can be part of adjustment.
When they keep going around in nearly the same loop for months and take up a lot of time each day, it may be more of a matter of rumination.
How might this be recognizable among (former) Jehovah’s Witnesses?
After a change in faith, many big questions can arise all at once.
Some former Jehovah’s Witnesses describe thoughts such as:
‘Why didn’t I see this earlier?’
‘How many years did I lose?’
‘What if I had never left?’
‘Should I have told my family differently that I was doubting?’
‘What if they ever reach out again?’
past
+
family
+
faith
+
guilt
+
identity
+
‘what if?’
↓
lots of material
to keep thinking aboutThat does not make rumination typical of former Jehovah’s Witnesses. The same processes can occur after a divorce, loss of family contact, a change in worldview, or other major life events.
‘Why didn’t I see it earlier?’
Questions like this can be understandable, but they often contain knowledge that someone has now and did not yet have then.
ME NOW
knows what
happened later
↓
judges
ME THEN
with less information
and different circumstancesThat is not rumination in itself, but it can become a question that keeps coming back endlessly without any other answer being possible.
A more concrete question might be:
‘What did I know then, what circumstances played a role, and what do I know now?’
‘What if?’ questions
Counterfactuals — thoughts about how something could have turned out differently — are normal.
‘What if I had left earlier?’
‘What if I hadn’t had that conversation?’
They can be useful when there is something to learn from them.
But the past often offers an endless number of alternative scenarios.
WHAT IF...
I had done this?
Or that?
Or earlier?
Or later?
Or nothing?
↓
no scenario
can still be testedThen the question can shift from problem-solving into mental repetition.
Rumination is not a sign that a topic is unimportant
Sometimes people say:
‘Just let it go.’
But that can be too simplistic.
It is precisely important events that often bring up repeated thinking.
The solution is therefore not necessarily:
‘Don’t think about it anymore.’
A more useful question is:
‘What does my thinking still need right now?’
Maybe information is missing. Maybe a conversation needs to happen. Maybe something needs to be grieved. And sometimes there is truly nothing left to solve.
Can I do something?
A simple distinction can help:
CAN I DO
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS
RIGHT NOW?
YES
↓
what is one
concrete step?
NO
↓
does thinking further
give new information?If the answer is no again, it may be helpful to let the thought rest for the moment and deliberately bring your attention back to something else.
Writing a thought down
Writing can help bring a large cloud of thoughts back to one concrete question.
Not:
‘Everything around my past and family.’
But:
‘Do I want to send my brother a message next week?’
Or:
‘What do I feel responsible for in that conversation?’
LARGE STORY
everything at once
↓
ONE QUESTION
what do I want to know
or do exactly now?This makes it visible whether there is actually a problem that can be solved.
A scheduled worry time
For persistent worrying, people sometimes use a scheduled time when they deliberately set aside time for their concerns.
When a thought comes back earlier in the day, it can be briefly written down and postponed until the agreed time.
The goal is not to forbid emotions.
The goal is to practice:
‘I do not have to fully work through this thought every time immediately.’
thought arises
↓
briefly note it
↓
‘I'll look at
this later’
↓
attention back
to current activityFor some people, this works better than trying to force thoughts away.
Interrupting does not mean suppressing
Temporarily letting a thought go is not the same as denying that a problem exists.
You can say:
‘This topic is important, but I do not need to analyze it again for the next three hours.’
That is different from:
‘I am never allowed to think about this again.’
Activity can help you get out of your head
Rumination easily happens when there is little external structure.
An activity that requires attention can temporarily break the cycle: walking, cooking, exercising, cleaning, making music, or talking to someone.
That does not automatically solve the underlying problem.
But it can prevent the same thought from getting unlimited attention.
When can rumination become problematic?
Almost everyone ruminates at times.
It becomes more relevant when it:
takes up a lot of time;
disrupts sleep;
keeps intensifying the same negative emotions;
interferes with concentration;
leads to withdrawal;
replaces problem-solving;
is long-term associated with low mood or anxiety.
Rumination occurs, among other things, in depressive and anxiety symptoms, but rumination itself is not a psychiatric diagnosis.
You do not have to solve every thought
Some questions do not have a complete answer.
Why exactly did this happen?
What would have happened if I had chosen differently?
Why did that other person do this?
You can think about those things, but sometimes information is missing that you will never get.
SOME QUESTIONS
have an answer
SOME QUESTIONS
have multiple
possible answers
SOME QUESTIONS
may never be
fully answeredAccepting that a question remains open for now can sometimes create more movement than trying to find the same answer a hundred times over.
What can you do with this?
When you notice your thoughts keep going around in circles, try three questions:
1. What exactly
is my question?
2. Do I have new
information?
3. What is my
next step?If there is a concrete step, carry it out or plan it.
If there is no new information and no possible action, recognize that thinking further may mostly be repetition.
Questions to reflect on
- Which thought or event do I keep replaying?
- Is my thinking still producing new information?
- Am I trying to solve a problem that is actually solvable?
- Which emotion keeps coming back when I think about this?
- Can I reduce my whole story to one concrete question?
- Is there one step I can take, or do I have to accept that I cannot solve this right now?
- What would happen if I did not try to answer this question any further today?
Summary
Rumination means that thoughts about negative events, feelings, or possible causes keep repeating without enough new information or a solution emerging.
PROBLEM SOLVING
thinking
↓
insight
↓
decision
↓
action
RUMINATION
thinking
↓
more thinking
↓
repetition
↓
back againRumination can feel useful, because the brain is trying to get a grip on something that feels important, painful, or unfinished. But a lot of mental activity does not automatically mean progress is being made.
After major changes, including leaving a religious community, questions about family, guilt, lost time, and ‘what if?’ can keep coming back for a long time. That is understandable and not unique to former Jehovah’s Witnesses.
The key question is:
Does this thinking bring me closer to understanding, a choice, or acceptance — or am I mostly just going around in the same circle again?
Sources and further reading
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Blair E. Wisco & Sonja Lyubomirsky – Rethinking Rumination, 2008. A broad overview of rumination, the relationship with negative mood, and possible mechanisms by which repeated negative thinking can sustain itself.
Edward R. Watkins – Constructive and Unconstructive Repetitive Thought, 2008. Describes why repeated thinking can sometimes be helpful and sometimes harmful, depending in part on how abstractly or concretely a person thinks.
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema – Responses to Depression and Their Effects on the Duration of Depressive Episodes, 1991. Early influential research on a ruminative response style and depressive mood.
Edward R. Watkins & Henrietta Roberts – Reflecting on Rumination: Consequences, Mechanisms and Treatment of Rumination, 2020. About the mechanisms behind rumination and psychological interventions aimed at changing repetitive negative thinking.
Adrian Wells – Metacognitive Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, 2009. About, among other things, worry and rumination and the role of beliefs about the usefulness and controllability of thoughts.
Also read
Self-reflection – Examining yourself without getting stuck in the same loop of thoughts.
Self-blame – When thinking keeps returning to the question of what you did wrong.
Shame and guilt – How moral emotions can keep you stuck thinking about yourself.
Catastrophizing – When thoughts keep escalating toward the worst possible outcome.
Procrastination – When thinking or avoidance takes the place of action.
Uncertainty – Why open questions can sometimes be so hard to let go of.
Delayed grief – When loss only becomes felt more strongly later on.
