P - to please

P - Pleasing When keeping others happy becomes more important than your own boundaries Recognizable questions Why do I say yes when I mean no? Why does other people’s disappointment feel like my responsibility? How do I learn to consider others without losing myself? What is it? Pleasing means that someone becomes strongly focused on approval, harmony, or avoiding conflict and therefore regularly puts their own wishes or boundaries aside. Being caring is not the same as pleasing; the difference often lies in freedom of choice and fear. Why can our brain do this? Social rejection can be painful. Someone who has learned that harmony is important or that conflict feels unsafe may adapt more quickly. Personality, family experiences, and culture all play a role. Example from everyday life You need rest but still say yes to an appointment because you’re afraid the other person will think you’re selfish. How can this occur within close or closed groups? Within close-knit communities, taking the group into account can be highly valued. Some people experience that as connection; others notice they find it hard to say no. Among (ex-)Jehovah’s Getuigen, this can come up around tasks, family, or expectations, for example. What can you do about it? Practice small, kind no’s. Take time before agreeing: ‘I’ll let you know’. Ask yourself whether you are acting out of care or out of fear of rejection. Questions to think about When do I say yes while feeling no? What do I think will happen if someone is disappointed? Which boundary do I want to make clearer this week? Summary Connection sometimes requires adjustment, but a healthy relationship should also leave room for your boundaries and preferences.