Recognizable Questions

- Why do I get tense when someone in authority speaks to me?

- Why do I immediately assume I’ve done something wrong when my supervisor sends me a short message?

- Why do I find it hard to challenge a doctor, elder, teacher, or other expert?

- Why do I sometimes say yes even though I actually have questions or doubts?

- Why can someone with a title or role automatically seem more important in my mind?

- How can I communicate more calmly and on an equal footing?

What is authority tension?
Some people experience extra tension around people they see as authoritative, for example a supervisor, doctor, teacher, police officer, parent, elder, or other religious leader.
Authority tension is not an official psychological diagnosis. It describes a reaction in which someone’s position, expertise, or authority carries extra weight. As a result, you may become uncertain more quickly, hold yourself back, comply, or be afraid of saying the wrong thing.
That does not necessarily mean you consciously think:

“This person
has more power than I do.”

It can be much more subtle:

He’ll think I’m difficult.

Maybe I did something wrong.

She probably knows better.

Who am I to question this?

I’d better just go along with it.

Meanwhile, your body may react with a faster heartbeat, tense muscles, freezing up, or the urge to answer quickly.

Why can our brains react this way?

People are sensitive to social relationships and to how others evaluate them. Research on social evaluation shows that the idea that others are judging us can affect how we perceive social information and make decisions. Anxiety sensitivity can strengthen that effect.

Past experiences can also play a role. When authority was previously regularly linked to criticism, punishment, shame, loss of approval, or other negative consequences, a new authority situation can trigger tension more quickly. That does not necessarily mean the person in front of you is dangerous now.

Authority
  +
past tension
  ↓
extra alertness
  ↓
“Am I doing something wrong?”

Your nervous system may, in a sense, have learned:

“When someone in authority wants something from me, I need to pay extra close attention.”

Personality, upbringing, culture, social anxiety, and past experiences can all play a role. There is rarely just one cause.

Authority affects almost everyone

Sensitivity to authority is not something that only anxious or insecure people experience.

The well-known obedience experiments by psychologist Stanley Milgram examined how adults responded when an authoritative researcher instructed them to continue administering what they believed were electric shocks. In the best-known condition, 65 percent of participants continued to the maximum level. In reality, the supposed recipient received no electric shocks.

The experiments had an artificial and extreme research design and led to a great deal of discussion about research ethics. So they cannot be directly translated into a conversation with an employer, doctor, or religious leader.

They do, however, illustrate a broader point:

Authoritative person
        ↓
instruction gets
extra weight

A title, uniform, role, expertise, or religious responsibility can influence how easily someone questions an instruction.

Everyday example

Your manager sends you a short message:

“Could you come by my office later?”

There’s no reason given. Yet your heart starts racing.

What did I do?

Is there a complaint?

Did I forget something?

I’m in trouble now.

Half an hour later, it turns out your manager just wanted to discuss something practical. So the tension did not come from what was actually said, but from what you expected a conversation with someone in formal authority might mean.

“Can you come over for a minute?”
        ↓
“I must have
done something wrong”
        ↓
tension

Respect is not the same as automatic obedience

Someone may genuinely have more knowledge or formal authority.

A doctor has medical expertise.

A judge has legal authority.

A supervisor has responsibilities within an organization.

A religious leader may have a special responsibility within a faith community.

But expertise or a role does not mean someone is infallible. Equality also does not mean that everyone has the same knowledge or authority.

So you can think both:

“I respect
your knowledge or position”

        and

“I’m allowed to ask
questions and think”

Being able to disagree with a doctor, for example, does not mean you think you know more about medicine. You can ask what a recommendation is based on or consider getting a second opinion.

Respect and independent thinking do not have to be opposites.

How might this be recognizable among Jehovah’s Witnesses?

Within Jehovah’s Witnesses, elders have clear responsibilities. According to the organization’s own official description, they take the lead, teach the congregation, and provide spiritual care. That same explanation says that elders should not dominate congregation members, but should contribute to their well-being and joy.

Other official publications also emphasize respect for and obedience to those taking the lead. It is also explicitly said that elders are not infallible.

For someone who shares these beliefs, this structure can in fact provide order, trust, and spiritual guidance.

At the same time, some current or former Witnesses may notice that a conversation with elders brings up a lot of tension. For example:

What will they think of me?

Am I allowed to say I see it differently?

Do I have to answer right away?

Can I say I want to think about it first?

Why does this conversation feel so much more stressful than an ordinary conversation?

That does not automatically mean that this reaction was caused by Jehovah’s Witnesses. It can still be worthwhile to explore:

“What meaning have I learned to give spiritual authority over the course of my life?”

There are also limits to authority within the organization

For a balanced picture, it is important to mention this as well. Official JW publications emphasize that elders should not rule over other people’s faith, are not infallible, and should not make their own rules for the congregation. At the same time, there is a clear hierarchy within the organization.

The psychological question therefore does not have to be:

“Is authority good or bad?”

A more interesting question is:

How do I experience authority?

Does it give me
direction and safety?

Do I feel room
for questions?

Can I think
before I agree?

The reader can examine for themselves what applies to their own experience.

When the old feeling shows up somewhere else

A reaction to authority may also show up in another setting. You may notice tension with an employer, barely dare to ask a doctor questions, find salary negotiations frightening, or automatically assume that an expert must be right.

The setting may change while an old expectation remains:

Someone with authority
        ↓
“They will
probably know better”
        ↓
holding myself back

That does not have to come from one specific experience. It may be related to upbringing, personality, culture, or several earlier situations.

Asking for advice or asking for permission?

Sometimes it seems as though we are asking for advice, when in fact we are looking for permission.

There is a difference between:

“What do you think? I want to take your expertise into account in my decision.”

and:

“Tell me what to do, because I don’t trust my own judgment.”

A useful question is:

If this person
advises something
different from what I want...

do I still feel
free to choose differently?

That does not mean you should simply ignore expert advice. It mainly helps you recognize how much space you experience to process information and make a decision yourself.

What can you do with this?

The goal does not have to be that you never feel tension again when dealing with someone in authority. You can learn to respond consciously despite that tension.

Prepare important questions in advance. Ask for clarification when you do not understand something. Take time before agreeing to something when possible. Distinguish between a person’s position and their infallibility. Ask yourself what is really happening and what you fear will happen.

You can also practice simple phrases:

“I understand what you’re saying. I’d like to think about it first.”

“Can you explain what that advice is based on?”

“I still have a question about that.”

“I see it differently. May I explain why?”

Assertive
≠
disrespectful

You do not have to become harsh or confrontational to stop going along automatically. Asking questions calmly can actually be a form of respectful communication.

Questions to think about

Which people or roles make me feel most tense?
What do I expect to happen when I disagree with someone in authority?
Am I mainly afraid of punishment, conflict, rejection, or disappointment?
What used to happen when I asked questions or disagreed with something?
Can I distinguish between respecting someone and automatically assuming they are right?
Am I asking for advice, or am I really seeking permission sometimes?
What rights, choices, and boundaries do I have in this situation?
Would I judge the same message differently if someone without a title or position said it?
Can I say, “I want to think about this first”?

Summary

Tension around authority is not an official diagnosis. It describes a recognizable reaction in which a person with authority, expertise, or a formal position is given extra weight. That can be linked to ordinary social sensitivity, personality, upbringing, culture, social anxiety, or earlier experiences with authority.

Authority also has some influence on almost everyone. Research on obedience shows that an authority figure perceived as legitimate can affect behavior, but such findings should not simply be applied to every everyday authority relationship.

The goal therefore does not have to be to mistrust authority.

Acknowledging authority
        ≠
automatically accepting
everything

You can respect someone’s knowledge, position, or religious responsibility while still asking questions, examining information, and thinking about your own choice.

Respect and independent thinking can coexist.

Sources and further reading

Stanley Milgram (1963), Behavioral Study of Obedience. Classic research on the influence of an authority figure on obedience.
Research on social evaluation and anxiety. Shows that the expectation of being socially judged can affect the perception and assessment of possible social threat.
Jehovah’s Witnesses – How Do the Elders Serve the Congregation? Official explanation of the duties of elders and the instruction that they should not domineer over the congregation.
Jehovah’s Witnesses – publications on respect for authority. Official sources on respect, obedience, and the role of elders, while also acknowledging that elders are not infallible.
Jehovah’s Witnesses – Understanding Headship in the Congregation. Official publication explaining, among other things, that elders should not make their own rules for the congregation.