A - Anxiety and stress around authority

Recognizable questions Why do I get tense when someone in authority talks to me? Why do I immediately think I’ve done something wrong when my supervisor sends me a brief message? Why do I find it hard to disagree with a doctor, elder, teacher, or other expert? Why do I sometimes say yes even though I actually have questions or doubts? How can I communicate more calmly and as an equal? What is authority tension? Some people feel extra tension around people they see as authoritative, such as a supervisor, doctor, teacher, police officer, parent, elder, or other religious leader. Authority tension is not an official psychological diagnosis. It describes a reaction in which someone’s position or authority carries extra weight, causing you, for example, to feel insecure more quickly, comply, hold back, or fear saying the wrong thing. That does not necessarily mean you consciously think: “This person has more power than I do.” It can be much more subtle: He’ll probably think I’m being difficult. Maybe I did something wrong. She will probably know best. I’d better not challenge this. Meanwhile, your body may react with a faster heartbeat, tension, freezing up, or the urge to agree quickly. Why can our brains react this way? People are sensitive to social dynamics and to being judged by others. Research on social evaluation shows that the possibility of being judged negatively can affect our perception and decision-making, especially when someone is already sensitive to anxiety or rejection. Experiences play a role in this. When authority in your past was regularly linked to criticism, punishment, shame, loss of approval, or serious consequences, your brain may start treating new situations involving authority as more important or threatening more quickly. That does not necessarily mean the current person is dangerous. Your nervous system may have learned, in a sense: “When someone in authority wants something from me, I need to pay very close attention.” Personality, upbringing, social anxiety, culture, and earlier experiences can all play a role. There is rarely just one cause. Authority affects almost everyone Sensitivity to authority is not something that only anxious or insecure people experience. The famous obedience experiments by psychologist Stanley Milgram showed that ordinary adults, under the influence of an authoritative researcher, sometimes went much further in following instructions than they likely would have expected of themselves beforehand. In the best-known experiment, 65 percent continued to the highest level of what they believed were electric shocks. In reality, the shocks were not real. The study had a very unusual and extreme setup and cannot be directly translated to ordinary conversations with a doctor, employer, or religious leader. Still, it showed something important: the presence of authority that appears legitimate can influence our behavior. So it is not strange that disagreeing can sometimes become harder when someone has a title, position, uniform, expertise, or religious responsibility. Example from everyday life You get a short message from your manager: “Can you come by and see me later?” No reason is given. Still, your heart starts beating faster. What did I do? Is there a complaint? Did I forget something? I’m going to get in trouble. Half an hour later it turns out your manager just wanted to discuss something with you. So the tension did not come from what actually happened, but from what your brain expected the meeting with someone above you in the hierarchy could mean. Respect is not the same as automatic obedience An important distinction is that someone can have authority or expertise without being infallible. A doctor has medical knowledge. A judge has legal authority. A supervisor has responsibilities within an organization. A religious leader may hold a special position within a faith community. But a role does not mean someone is always right. Equality therefore does not mean that all people have the same knowledge or responsibility. It means that, as a person, you are still allowed to ask questions, want to understand information, and — depending on the situation — weigh up your choices. So you can think both: “I respect your knowledge or position.” and: “I want to understand why you are saying this.” How can this be recognizable among Jehovah’s Witnesses? Among Jehovah’s Witnesses, elders have clear responsibilities within the congregation. The organization describes elders as men who take the lead, teach, and provide spiritual care. At the same time, an official explanation says elders should not dominate the congregation. Other official publications explicitly link respect for elders and those taking the lead with obedience to Jehovah, and encourage congregation members to obey and submit to those taking the lead. For someone who shares that belief, that structure of authority can feel like safety, order, and spiritual guidance. At the same time, some current or former Witnesses may find that a conversation with elders lands much more strongly than an ordinary conversation. For example: I don’t really dare say I see it differently. What if they’re disappointed in me? Do I have to answer this question? Am I allowed to say I want to think about it first? Why do I suddenly feel so small again? That does not automatically mean such a reaction was caused by Jehovah’s Witnesses. But it can be worthwhile to explore what meaning you learned to give spiritual authority over the course of your life . When the old feeling comes back somewhere else After leaving a highly structured environment, the reaction can sometimes remain. The elder becomes an employer. The religious leader becomes a doctor. The rule of faith becomes an expert’s advice. The situation is different, but inside, this reappears: “He probably knows best.” or: “I’d better do what I’m told.” As a result, you may have difficulty asking for a second opinion, discussing salary, contradicting a supervisor, or saying during a conversation: “I’d like to think about that first.” It can help to realize that you are not only seeing the person in front of you anew, but are sometimes also reacting from experiences you have carried for much longer. What can you do with this? The goal does not have to be that you never feel tension again. You can learn to respond more consciously even while feeling that tension. Prepare important questions in advance. Ask for clarification when you do not understand something. Take time before agreeing to something if the situation allows it. Distinguish between someone’s role and their worth as a person. Ask yourself: What is actually happening, and what do I expect will happen? Practice small forms of disagreement before having difficult conversations. A simple sentence can already help: “I understand what you’re saying. I’d like to think about it for a moment.” Or: “Can you explain what that advice is based on?” Or: “I see it differently. May I explain why?” You do not have to become aggressive in order to be less submissive. Calmly asking questions is also assertiveness. Questions to reflect on Which people or roles make me feel most tense? What do I expect will happen when I disagree with someone in authority? Am I mainly afraid of punishment, conflict, rejection, or disappointment? What happened in the past when I asked questions? Can I distinguish between respecting someone and automatically assuming they are right? What rights, choices, and boundaries do I have in this situation? What would I say if the person in front of me had no special title or role? Summary Tension around authority does not automatically mean something is wrong with you. People are sensitive to social evaluation and power relationships, and earlier experiences can cause certain roles or people to trigger extra tension. When authority was previously connected with criticism, punishment, shame, or loss of approval, your body may react in a new situation before anything unpleasant has actually happened. The solution is not to distrust every form of authority. Expertise, leadership, and structure can be valuable. The point is to learn to distinguish between: “This person has a certain role or knowledge.” and: “Therefore I must set aside my own questions, judgment, and boundaries.” Respect and independent thinking can exist side by side. Sources and further reading Stanley Milgram (1963), Behavioral Study of Obedience , Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology , 67(4), 371–378. Classic research into the influence of authority on obedience. The APA describes how a significant number of participants, under the instruction of a researcher, continued administering what they believed were increasingly strong electric shocks. Research on social evaluation and anxiety shows that the feeling of being judged by others can affect perception, attention, and decision-making. This supports the broader explanation of why situations in which someone feels judged can trigger extra tension. Jehovah’s Witnesses, How Do the Elders Serve the Congregation? Official description of elders as men who take the lead, provide spiritual care, and give instruction; the same publication states that they should not dominate congregation members. Jehovah’s Witnesses, Why Respect Authority? and Show Respect for Authority . Official sources on respect, obedience, and the position of those who take the lead in the congregation. Read also Fear conditioning – how a person, voice, building, or role can automatically start to trigger tension. Obedience to authority – why people sometimes follow instructions from figures of authority even while doubting them. Peer pressure – how the presence and expectations of others influence our choices. Learned guilt – why saying no or disagreeing can feel wrong even when you haven’t done anything wrong. Learned helplessness – what can happen when you learn that your own influence is limited. Assertiveness – standing up for yourself without attacking the other person. Setting boundaries – learning where responsibility for someone else ends and your own choice begins. Independent thinking – examining information, asking questions, and making your own assessment without automatically being for or against authority.